Tag Archives: Healing Relationships

Monday Mind Manoeuvre – Remember Who You Are

I will finish the last two parts of the Modus Operandi series a little later but something came up that I thought important enough and wanted to explore, it’s to do with losing yourself in a relationship and how to remember who you are.

Now before I go any further I should mention that I have a someone special and he tends to read all my posts (and then deny it) so on that note I want to say this is nothing to do with he and I (lest he panic that we have an problem) and simply about the plethora of counselling I’ve been doing in the last few days in every direction as well as observing among the masses on social media etcetera.

Now let me first get you into Wholly Grail territory by reintroducing Principle 1: I AM God, along with Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted. Theses two Principles are the basis of relating from an empowered state.

What you observe in your outer world is a reflection of how you feel in your inner world. Your outer world often affects how you feel… catch 22 you might think, but here’s the thing: how you feel is a result of what you think about what you perceive, so then it stands to reason that if you choose different thoughts the feelings will alter which will in turn transform what we observe.

That sounds complicated but truly when you remember nothing is personal even when it is aimed at you, it is just a projection of the thoughts and feelings of another that you receive according to your state of inner peace and empowerment. If you are feeling like a victim then everything will seem to be an attack, if you are feeling like a hero everything will appear to be an opportunity for learning and healing even if the outer circumstances are identical in each case.

Principle 1 asks that you see yourself as a spark of divinity and that you see that same light in everybody else regardless of the outer conditions.

Principle 7 asks that you let go of all attachments in order that healing may occur. This doesn’t mean walking away from relationships that are nurturing and mutually beneficial ┬ámost of the time, it means letting go of the fear that they might end. All things end, the question is, do you want to squeeze the life out of it quickly by gripping, manipulating and controlling or do you want to love and laugh and learn your way until death do you part?… That’s what it means: death simply means an ending, any ending.

Drop the victim stance by recognising you hold all the power… over yourself and what you choose to place your attention on. If you contrive to fix, change or manipulate the significant other in your partnership to see, do or be what you want then you are trying to exert your power over another and the battle will commence or the rift will widen… let them be who they are, even if they are currently in victim mode, don’t ever be tempted to meet them at the bottom, instead lift them with your example of understanding, compassion and gently hold the space for them to step out of their shadow and into the light where you will be waiting with open arms and an open heart… and maybe next time you slide down the scale and forget who you are they will do you the same courtesy.

Wishing you beautiful nurturing relationships today and always.

Big love until later… x

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What’s In A Word And Does It Really Matter?

Thoughts become things. When we speak our thoughts (or communicate them through some other means like this post for example) we begin the process of turning thought into form.

A thought is consciousness, high speed vibration. Sound is a vibration that resonates at slower speed, and matter is slower still… “matter”?

Thoughts fuelled by emotions, spoken with intent, invoke more emotions which stir actions, which in turn create worlds… or destroy them. So what’s in a word and does it really matter?

You may have randomly stumbled across my post today and therefore have little idea of where this is coming from so I urge you to go back and follow my train of thought from the last few posts, but as a quick update this week has been throwing up references to the past and to situations, objects, projects, people, connections and relationships that have been left by the wayside as the path of life has unfolded for me. With each of these references, or more accurately remembrances, has been an underlying question: “what part did I play in how that unfolded?”

Word’s really do matter and when it comes to historical karma, no matter how low vibrational the word “sorry” might seem, sometimes acknowledging the role you played in any given situation, taking responsibility for any wrongdoing and the expression of a heartfelt apology, can be be the key needed to transform your most dire mistakes into your greatest lessons.

There are those who would disagree with me, it’s ok, each of us is responsible for our own karma anyway.

Repentance is about acknowledging where your ego led the way and fear spoke in opposition to your higher truth, it is the release of lower energies like guilt, regret and blame, and it is the claiming of absolution and the reclaiming of your own power through declaration of ownership over your own emotions and the choices you made whilst in their grip…

An apology is the antidote to the most deadly spell. The words that set world’s in motion, though they can never be unspoken, having mattered so much that they terminated a timeline, may be healed and transformed into yet another reality by healing intent uttered through love.

Principle 3: I AM Human…. and if I never apologised for a role I played in your particular drama, consider this my healing spell.

More later… x

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Amplification Of Passion – Meet Me In My Wholeness

Finding out who you are is the first step in creating the life and love that you really want. Up until the point of accepting that prior to understanding your true nature you are simply seeking to heal something you believe is missing, you will always seek out a vibrational match to the perceived broken aspect of self.

Basically put, whilst your are trying to fill a void, you’ll attract someone or something that reflects and reinforces that void within you.

Damn!

Once you let go of the need to be other than you are… broken, whole, perfect, imperfect… it’s all relative and a matter of perception, you begin to accept that what makes you different is what makes you who you are. In this state of self-acceptance, you begin to exude new levels of purity and authenticity that draw towards you a plethora of miracles including your reflection in the purity of others.

If others will meet me in my wholeness, we become the amplification of passion. Let me explain:

Imagine that your heart centre is a light-filled vessel, say a Grail cup. Now as you are eliminating light from this heart chakra, filled, fuelled and overflowing divine purity to all who draw near, their heart centre’s are reflecting back that divine purity and because they are already filled, fuelled and overflowing, the light is increasing and creating something new that can be shared out further. Everyone is sharing what they have to give, nobody is taking what isn’t needed.

Take instead a depleted, say half full heart chakra. It craves love so it shines what it has at whatever comes close… as the law of attraction demands that like attracts like, potentially that is another half full heart chakra that needs to be further filled. (Are you still with me)? “I’ll take that, thank you very much.” Says the approaching half-hearted chakra… The original waiting now to receive something in return to fill the depleted vessel that just gave what it had away as a bargaining chip.

I just said yesterday to a dear friend: “two broken people do not make a whole one.” Find your authentic wholeness and use it to help another find it within themselves (if they will it), then the two of you will amplify the light for others making you, as a team, a force to be reckoned with.

So how do you find your inner light? Read my last couple of posts, it’s a start.

Regardless of what you may currently believe, the only thing standing between you and everything you have ever wanted is you… and your opinion of how worthy you are of having it… but trust me when I say that if it’s for your highest good then it’s already yours.

Principles 1, 4 & 7

More later… x

 

 

How To Avoid Conflict Through Honouring Each Other

The ego is an amazing mechanism that individuates the cosmic soup into a personality recognisable as you. You could say that its the ego that makes you unique and drives you to express that combination of skills and talents and particular gifts that allow you to be an asset in the world to carry out Divine service. The ego gets a bad rep though because of its conflicting agenda when it comes to those gifts.

As a species we are herd animals, we need each other. The ego fights between “fit in,” ” no, stand out.” “Lead,” “no, follow!” “We’re a team,” “no, I’m an individual!” It’s all a bit exhausting and emanates from a fear of not being able to reconcile the physical separation of a human existence with the connectivity of all things that our higher aspects are constantly trying to remind our ego’s.

Conflict between ego’s is an extension of that same irreconcilable internal conversation. Two people who have forgotten the number one Principle of The Wholly Grail: I AM God. This affirmation of Divinity and therefore connectivity simply means I am you and you are me and we fight because we’ve forgotten.

The world needs everything that you have to offer, and so it is with me, and the differences that become apparent when we focus all our attention upon them with a critical, judgmental and unforgiving eye become ugliness as we compile evidence of separation, but when we turn our full attention to what unites us, what similarities and complementary attributes we share, something beautiful emerges… it’s called love.

The universal energy that connects all things exists, whether we choose to acknowledge it’s presence or turn away from it, whether we choose to bury it under hatred and revenge in the name of self-preservation or simply accept that all is fair in love, and that war is actually a masquerade of the most insidious thief that exists: fear.

Conflict can only end by surrendering fear into the arms of love. Love which allows your uniqueness to stand out in service of the team whilst honouring, not coveting, the uniqueness of every member of that team as you honour yourself.

I am you, you are me… when we fight we descend towards mutually assured destruction. I’m not prepared to wound what I honour.

Archangel Zadkiel, The Angel of The Violet Flame, is there to be called upon to transmute fear, conflict and all negative vibrations, settling karmic stories and encouraging all involved to choose a higher path of mercy and love. Let him be our best friend as we all refocus on peace.

More later… x

 

Saturday Oracle – Your Own Best Friend

For the second week running the issue of Self-Full Living has risen to the surface to remind you that you matter…

Principle 6: I AM Self-Full combines its powerful influence with the sacral chakra to highlight your relationships and more importantly this week, where you fit into them.

Redefining boundaries will feature heavily in the next few days as you find more and more that your needs are not being met and in some cases you are being taken advantage of.

You may notice that those close to you are making the rules up as they go along and are somewhat oblivious to the effects of their actions… it’s not personal, they are simply behaving in a way that feels natural to them and as you may have been passively standing by as standards deteriorate, now is not the time to apportion blame for the fact that you feel violated or otherwise affronted.

The issue here lies in the assumption that loved ones actually know what you want… have you been clear?

Knowing where you end and others begin is a tricky business especially when you’re invested in the friendship/partnership/relationship, as rocking the boat by being vocal about what’s gone wrong can often feel confrontational if handled badly, perceivably risking the connection, but here’s the thing: strong fences, good neighbours make. In layman’s terms that’s pointing out that without boundaries conflicts ensue.

All that being said, this week it’s time to be your own best friend and take back control of your life by first accepting responsibility for allowing your energetic walls to be breached and then clarifying your position.

Everyone benefits from knowing where they stand.

Ask Archangel Michael to guide you to find the right words to use and to cut cords and attachments to fear based thoughts that have thus far caused you to remain passive or silent and ask for everyone’s highest good to be served by your assertive actions.

More next week… x

Look Again At The Miracles

Do you remember why you first connected with someone? What it was that drew you towards a relationship/friendship/partnership with them?

Over time everything evolves to a point where it then begins to decay, like the seasons: spring is a time of new beginnings, learning, growth; it transforms into a summer of celebration when everything is in full bloom; which gives way to autumn when we first harvest the abundance before decay commences and we allow the natural cycle to wither into winter, a time in which that which is no longer working dies and all else sleeps a restorative sleep and regeneration occurs. The seed of what has passed prepares to germinate into a fresh new beginning when the inevitable cycle begins anew.

Don’t go kidding yourself that anything in existence is immune from this cycle, relationships included.

It can be difficult when things begin to move into an autumn/winter phase, especially as we never really know what can survive or indeed whether we even want it to, so the process can feel like an agonising dismantling of the structures you believe define you… but they do not define you and this recognition begins the awakening of your individuation.

All relationships whether good, bad or indifferent, act as a mirror for your own self examination and understanding. You become an explorer, an adventurer, a seeker and learner at the beginning… allowing your natural childlike curiosity to lead you through uncharted waters; you thrive in your own beauty and vitality when the summer phase washes over you and then responsibility and daily life become the mundane teachers of early autumn… right before giving way to discontent and the beginning of the end… of this cycle anyway.

It is an inevitable cycle but this is not a pessimistic diatribe into an inevitable end…

Though winter must come to all endeavours, so too must a new spring. Nowhere is it written that winter must spell the end of your human entanglements, the cycle in fact suggests that you are merely recreating new energy to be born anew. So I take you back to the beginning of this piece: Do you remember why you first connected with someone? What it was that first drew you towards a relationship/friendship/partnership with them?

We forget to see the beauty, the multifaceted and infinitely layered capacity that every human being has to amaze, inspire, and reflect back our own divinity because we forget to tell them that it exists within them. We remind them constantly of how they don’t measure up to our expectations instead of seeing through the eyes of innocence and wonder into the depths of all that they do that is fascinating, enchanting and extraordinary.

Look again at the miracles they perform daily: the strength they have to keep going, the generosity they show to others, their determination, their wisdom, their playfulness… re-read their story as an individual as well as the chapters they share with you and then focus in on the characteristics that you mirror back to each other and ask yourself if you are focused on the positive influence of the partnership or on the niggles that you have allowed to push you into a negative slump towards winter.

Everything must end eventually, but a healer would at least try to save the patient before allowing an unnecessary death.

All your relationships need regularly resuscitation but the reboot has to come from you… who can you reflect beauty back at today?

I’d just like to say, you inspire me, you make me the best I can be and I am eternally grateful for you.

Principle 1: I AM God. Principle 3: I AM Human. Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted.

More later… x

 

Cinderella’s Dilemma

The masquerade ball was an enchanting experience, one that Cinderella never in her widest dreams imagined she would have attended, until that night when her fairy godmother arrived with a bag of tricks to transform Cinders into the most beautiful princess the kingdom had ever seen…

Oh, how she danced in the arms of a spellbound prince, ever mindful of the hands of the ticking clock… and then it struck. Midnight? So soon? As she raced down the palace steps, fearful that her rags would return before she arrived home, terrified that she would be seen for the what she really was, in her haste she shed a single shoe…

Now if this was set a long time ago in a land far, far away, it may have been a glass slipper but this was set in the last 5 years and so the shoe was far more likely to be a Converse… but that’s neither here nor there as far as the pantomime goes.

The distraught Prince, in his grief at her disappearance, set out a mandate: “I will search the kingdom and whomever this weird footwear (complete with orthotic insole) fits, I shall marry.” And so his search began.

Now see, I’ve got a beef with Prince Charming: All that happened was him waltzing with some enigma in a mask on a dancefloor for a little while and now he’s declaring her an eternal soul mate! The search has, up until now continued, but it would be so much easier if the fairy godmother had advised her to go as herself, rags and all, simply because when the shoe fits, Prince-Pretending-to-be-Charming is going to shit his pants!

She was wearing a mask… so ok the fairy godmother couldn’t fake her dance moves… they were real enough, but the beautiful ball gown, (complete with corset creating that fake waistline and cleavage), once it transformed back into yoga pants and comfort bra boar no resemblance to the vision of beauty that had graced the ball.

The Prince of course is no real catch either… by all accounts he’s a workaholic and always away on state business, so in the likely event the (now in daylight, fake) Converse should find its way back to the dancing mystery lady, chances are she’d be obligated to marry an absent title who only actually danced with her at Christmas when the state ball required him to attend.

The moral of this panto is plain… Be who you are, communicate the real you from a place of authenticity and humility and then falling in love will be a miracle born of truth and nobody will ever need to live up to persona they inadvertently created in order to fit in and be socially acceptable.

At the posting of this story Cinderella was finally getting round to putting up the Christmas tree (in her yoga pants) and Prince Charming is missing in action, who knows whether or not he has given up the search or if he even still has the sweaty gym shoe?

Cinderella’s Dilemma is a Christmas romance brought to you by The Wholly Grail’s Principle 4: I AM Truth.

More later… x

A Whole Flame

Very soon after writing my last post “Most Unconventional Romantic Entanglement” I was asked the question: “Are you a whole flame?” Upon considering the question I was instantly propelled towards the most poignant hidden Grail Mechanic… you cannot keep the Grail.

Here’s the best answer I can muster at this time…

Some days I burn bright and some days my fire is low, some days I have the spark but not fuel and other days I have the fuel but no spark… I am a constant work in progress motivated by my desire to heal and be healed, to learn and to teach… and for us all, love is the medium through which we grow, lifetime after lifetime, in embracing it and rejecting it, reaching out for it and hiding from it… it is the eternal dance that drives every aspect of our lives… the power we crave merely a substitute for the divine power of love and the pain we cause, a childlike retaliation when feel the absence of it… an absence caused purely by our own disconnection from the Source of all things. We search for partners, teachers and lovers to help us discover the healing still required, to be the fuel when the flame burns low and to be the spark when the light goes out.

Yes, I AM a whole flame… but some days I forget this amazing revelation for one reason and one reason only…

Principle 3: I AM Human

More later… x

Most Unconventional Romantic Entanglement

I have been inundated with requests this week, formally, informally, professionally, personally and socially for advice/counselling on relationship issues and The Wholly Grail’s take on the great game we call romance. You’re going to have to forgive me at this point because I’m laughing my head off at the basic irony involved in asking me: a divorcee, currently in the most unconventional romantic entanglement I’ve ever come across with dynamics that nobody would believe if they hadn’t walked this path with me for the last few years… but here’s the thing: the heart wants what the heart wants so let’s start with that premise and build from there…

Coaching using the Grail is an art form when it comes to matters of the heart because every single Principle is involved in some capacity or other, as are the underlying mechanics of The Grail… simply because no two relationships are alike and each has more than one person involved and more than one perspective.

A relationship maybe just starting out, in it’s early stages of ‘getting to know you,’ or it may have been a lifelong partnership. It may be undergoing massive change due to external pressures or the growth of one partner over another or it may be breaking down… there’s also the ‘looking for love’ aspect of romance and all the highs and insecurities that follow along that path, and a myriad of different setups in between. For these reasons I’m not going to go full-on into giving romantic advice here but I will say this much, which is true for all relationships: The Wholly Grail is not a person or what you believe another can do for you, it is a state of consciousness that transcends the need for anything to be other than it is – the attainment of inner peace through acceptance, appreciation and even service.

We were, as a species, created as both yin and yang (feminine and masculine, regardless of physical gender), two halves of a whole… it is therefore in our nature to seek balance by seeking out a twin flame. This however doesn’t diminish the fact that within you is contained the same masculine and feminine nature to varying degrees, and that by balancing, unifying and harmonizing those internal partners you become a whole flame attracting rather than seeking another whole flame, thus creating an eternal fire.

You are The Wholly Grail… once you stop fighting it… and other Wholly Grail’s can’t help but find you and meet you on that level.

Wishing you love.

More later… x

Saturday Oracle – Temporary Flux

Grail Oracle 3Grail Oracle Orange

It’s not the end of the world… so you took a misstep, the sacred dance we call life didn’t come with a choreographer and the dance floor is nowhere near as narrow as you might imagine.

This week Principle 3: I AM Human teams up with the currently popular vibrant orange sacral chakra indicating that stress levels are fluctuating as you undertake a brand new adventure and for some reason you are fearing you’ve already failed or messed up somewhere in the last few days that could possibly have a knock on effect to what you hoped would be an imminent breakthrough. Not so.

When Principle 3 rears its head we react from an ancient wounding, historical evidence of being somehow not good enough for the task in front of us. We begin to question every response or comment from those around us and assume judgement rather than counsel. Stress levels soar when that comes from a source that we see as significant. As the sacral is not only the centre where we register stress and trauma but also the relationship chakra, where attachments are formed: romantic, familial and social, this week’s oracle is forming a strong leaning towards you feeling as though you have disappointed someone in your chosen tribe.

Here’s the thing: history is so not relevant to your current situation… who you are today and your connection to this significant other is based on something much more real than your imagined failure or faux pas. It’s okay to give yourself a pass and carry on as if nothing happened. Besides, what you imagine someone else is thinking is unlikely to be what someone else is actually thinking so why fuel your own cortisol levels and make yourself worry?

This energy is set to ruin your weekend if you don’t get ahead of it so you have options…

The real lesson behind Principle 3 is forgiveness so first of all forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you’ve done and then give your counterpart the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming that they will judge you… or… you could just speak to them directly, eh?

Now then, behind this temporary flux in proceedings remember that at the centre of everything there is love. That’s enough.

More next week… x