Tag Archives: Boundaries

7 Signs You’re Taking Your Power Back

You might not have noticed the subtle shifts over a long period of time that your boundaries were systematically being eroded away. It’s only when you hit that point where you find yourself saying: “Wait a minute, how the hell did I get here?” that you actually stop and consciously begin to take back control of your life. Here are the 7 signs you’re taking your power back.

1. Who do you think you are?

The first sign is that you notice the liberties others are taking by overriding your choices, decisions and your free will. That wake up call has you asking (usually in your head at first): “Who do you think you are?” This is when you begin to remember who you are and that your personal sovereignty, or your ability to literally “lead” your own life, have been superceded by someone who wrongly assumes they have authority over you. You might start seeing partners, friends, sibling and co-workers in a whole new light when this realisation kicks in. I had a friend many years ago who thought she had the right to tell me what I could and could not afford to buy… very publicly! Later she began to tell me who I could and could not be friends with… needless to say she is no longer a friend and has been relegated to my “Who do you think you are?” pile.

2. The ancient history trap!

Loyalty is a very noble trait, but what happens when that loyalty, shared history and the guilt associated with letting go, grab a hold of your ability to expand and grow into a new empowered version of you? Well, the second of those 7 signs you’re taking your power back is that you are no longer being emotionally blackmailed by the people who are holding you hostage by your past shared experience. Blame, shame, guilt and other associated negative emotions, are a sign that someone is bound by a scenario that should have been left in the vaults of history. It doesn’t mean we cannot hold fond memories or learn from that history but we certainly cannot live there. When you can lovingly say to someone: “Meet me here where I am, or let me go.” You are growing and your power is flowing. You don’t have to stop caring or loving them, you just can’t stop your own journey because someone else wants to stay rooted in what was.

3. Everybody hurts!

Wow! (I have that song going around in my head now). Here’s the thing, ultimate power flows back to you the moment you realise that everybody is either hurting or hurting somebody else. That is a part of the human condition… the more we feel pain the more potential for us to inflict it on others. It doesn’t make it right, no, it just makes it less personal. When you take pain personally, you give your power to the pain or to the person inflicting it, instead of keeping your own power for yourself. When you begin to see it as a universal condition, you get to transcend it and return to inner peace. Suffering is a choice. This realisation allows you to turn the other cheek, act from a place of forgiveness and it also stops you from perptuating that same low energy in revenge, or in another direction. Your lack of response is within your power. Your forgiveness is the ultimate power that ends the cycle.

4. The vulnerable and the brave!

Authenticity is an all or nothing kind of deal. If you are willing to go all in and be your whole self in a raw and vulnerable way, you are setting yourself up to retrieve all the wasted energy you have been redirecting towards hiding your dirty little secrets! You know, like that junk drawer that has all your crap hidden in it whilst the rest of you kitchen looks like a Pintrest shot… life is like that too. And I mean everyone’s life. I once had a conversation with a friend of mine who was about to have a movie made about him. I remember him saying to me “I’m going to have to be whiter than white now…” (perhaps not the most PC wording but if that offends you then you’re not reading the right post and you haven’t met me yet). My response to him was this: “No you don’t, you just have to be honest about your shortcomings.” It made him stop in his tracks. I could hear the cogs turning in his mind and the relief starting to kick in. Who you are, what you think… that’s yours. Nobody else’s opinion counts, but if you hide it to appear to be something else, then your power is going to get sapped protecting you from being found out as an imposter. You take back your power when you say, “This is me. This is who I am. This is all there is… but I’m growing every single day so watch this space.” Now that’s brave.

5. Simplified and streamlined

Nothing says, “I’m taking my power back,” faster than the declutter! This is the systematic simplification of all areas of life and the need to streamline your time, energy, space and material resources. Let’s face it, life has become overcomplicated enough in our constant strive for more more more. We work harder and longer to afford bigger and better and we quickly lose track of what provides real value in our lives. You are taking your power back the moment you recognise where the energetic drains exist in your reality and begin to exorcise the surplus to rquirements stuff, plugging the leaks. These can be commitments, relationships, physical clutter, chores, etc. It can be scaling back on your outgoings and becoming a conscious comsumer… just a couple of months ago, I went through all my email subscriptions and saved myself a mountain of time and energy sifting through the inbox each day. I did the same with my bank account and saved a shit-load of money I didn’t know I was wasting. When you start streamlining, you start telling the universe that you know the value of your resources and you have the power to redirect them towards your highest good. Now you’re taking charge!

6. The castle caretaker

We only get one life. There’s a theory that each of us has a predetermined number of heartbeats before we move onto the next one… but none of us know how many that is. On the other hand, you could also argue that the better we take care of ourselves, the longer we get to enjoy it. One thing is for sure, the more you understand and provide for the needs of your own physical vessel, your “castle” you might say, the more efficiently it’s energy flow and regeneration will be. All too often in these days of modern medicine, do we ignore the needs of our bodies or abdicate responsibility for our own wellbeing, in favour of handing our care over to others to fix it when it goes wrong. As the castle caretaker, its your job to ensure regular maintenance and restoration of the place you call home: your body, mind and spirit. Sure there will be times when the caretaker has to call the plumber or the electrician when something goes wrong, but because she’s is in control of the day to day care (and she does an exemplary job of it), professional intervention is more of a simple collaboration than major surgery. Self-care and how seriously we take it on a daily basis, can be the difference between taking back your power or having it taken out of your hands completely. Yes its hard work for the caretaker to stay on top of the job, but the reward is a lifetime living in a beautiful castle. Your health gives you freedom, freedom is the power over your own life.

7. Investing in what invests in you

The last of those 7 signs you’re taking your power back is that you have withdrawn your energy and attention from everything and everyone that doesn’t contribute to your wellbeing. This is not a transactionary motive, you see value in all its forms, it is more of a conscious balancing of the unconditional giving and receiving that you allow to flow in your life. In the past, as your boundaries began to deteriorate, almost imperceptibly at first, you will have no doubt begun to give far more than you received. This, resulting in an energetic depletion across the board. Relationships in particular will have begun to show this imbalance glaringly as time went on. You were the one making the sacrifices and compromises, carrying the burden of responsibility and probably the bags! The”Who do you think you are?” energy in the first sign will be obvious… but now you are also so much more aware of who does nurture your needs and meet you with a balanced investment, giving to you in equal measure to what you are giving to them. Your connections and support systems no longer require you to provide more and more, instead they become mutally beneficial and everyone contribute to the wellbeing of the whole.

Recognising the 7 signs you’re taking your power back

You may not be all the way there yet. There will be times when you think you have cracked it and then you recognise a boundary or two being overstepped. It’s a fine balancing act, one that takes practice and dedication. Once you do understand the 7 signs though, which if you have been following for a while, you will also recognise as the 7 Principles of The Grail, you will have also equipped yourself with the tools to personal freedom, inner peace… and to creating better relationships.

Which sign is shouting at you today?

Leave me a comment if you recognise any of the signs in your own life at the moment. Maybe you need a little help to claim that power back for yourself? I’d be happy to support you on the journey here if it resonates.

Jo x

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Learn Something Fundamental About Boundaries

When you are moving through life with the intention of contributing and being of service to others in ways that can really positively affect their day-to-day well-being, it’s vital that you first learn something fundamental about boundaries.

Knowing where you end and they begin, knowing what’s yours to carry and what belongs to others is a skill. A skill, that if not acquired, leads to the overwhem of heavy burdens that Spirit never meant for you to carry. Your soul-lesson then is knowing what to say no to and what is within your remit.

I was once channeling my angelic guides at an event when asked about why certain things kept happening over and over again to the lady who had posed the question. Archangel Azrael was kind enough to respond with the following annotized remarks: “When we step in or intervene in another’s karma, we accept the responsibility for the lesson and so must carry the karma ourselves.” in very basic and almost cynical terms it means that “no good deed goes unpunished.”

Before you let that stop you from actually helping though, you must understand that it is possible to put someone on the path to their own salvation without actually having to walk the path for them. It is possible to support someone and hold the space for their process without actually going through the process instead.

How you choose to help and even if you choose to help others is totally your business, but in the interest of Self-Full Living, learning the extent of your karmic responsiblility is a profound tool to magically turn you from being a martyr to your generosity into a master of balanced giving and receiving.

The lady I was channeling for at the time was stuck in a constant loop of bailing someone out of their own repetitive mistakes simply because she hadn’t given her friend the courtesy of believing in her power to overcome her own karma. In her eagerness to be of service, she actually stole the opportunity for the other person to learn her soul lesson. The very next time the lesson came up for her to overcome, she instead went to her friend who obliged by sorting it our again… until the time came when she was asking why me and wondering why she was exhausted and now in full on victim mode.

You have to love yourself enough to say no to other people’s drama and at the same time, love them enough to believe in their infinite capacity to overcome their karma. you really do empower people when you say: “It’s time for you to shine. Show us what you’re made of!”

Do you need to learn something fundamental about boundaries? The Principles of The Grail can help you to see everyone, including yourself, as the powerful co-creators we are.

Love, Jo x

P.S. Join the mailing list to receive access to the Alignment Readings via the link in the weekly newsletter!

Defining Moment – When Yes To You Means No To Me

I posted the Intuitive Chalice Oracle combination just last night, though in truth I had pulled the cards late on Friday evening and was simply awaiting time to write my thoughts about them, (you can read Rewrite The Rulebook here). In that short space of time I have found much evidence within my own life to support the reasons it’s energy is prominent at present, mainly in the guise of allowing others to take advantage and noticing when yes to you means no to me.

I’m super accessible, open, welcoming and very generous with my time and attention. I help when I am able and by my very nature a good listener and sounding board for others. These are skills I put to use in my practice to aid people in transforming their lives, finding the light and their version of inner peace. I’m sure many of you can relate to the next bit though….

My old rulebook had me inadvertently giving it away for free!

Your greatest assets are your skills and your time and according to The Wholly Grail, everything that you pour your energy into should in turn pour energy into you… Imagine for a moment an enormous chalice at the centre of a garden, overflowing like a fountain water feature. The water that spills over runs down sculpted channels to each area of the garden, providing irrigation, nutrition and energy. Each area of the garden in turn grows and feeds back its own unique abundance to the chalice at the centre which then transforms it back into life-giving water to continue the cycle.

This is the essence of Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted, which in it’s most raw sense means giving and receiving in equal measure.

The old rules for me had the chalice running dry because I failed to manage what I gave for free or what I was bamboozled into giving up. The new rulebook, and I’m expressing this in the spirit of this week’s oracle message, is that I’m no longer willing to say no to my own needs in order to cater to others.

This is the essence of Principle 6: I AM Self-Full, which means taking responsibility for and action towards maintaining my own resources, reserves and boundaries.

The universe gave me a purpose. I consider myself incredibly blessed to be able to see so clearly the steps needed to live an enlightened, happy, peaceful life. Being human though, (Principle 3), it’s not always easy to say no as a complete sentence and I often find myself helping others find their piece of paradise at my expense, thus robbing me of my own.

As this is the first Monday of the month, the year in fact… let’s start with a clear slate.

If you have found yourself people pleasing, being depleted of your energy, encountering unfair exchange, not understanding or enforcing your own boundaries and worth, then let me help you get super clear on where you end and everyone else begins…

I’m still super accessible, approachable, open and welcoming, but if you are unsure of my terms then please do just ask… that way we get to say yes to each other and ourselves!

More later… x

Monday Mind Manoeuvre – Adjust Your Settings

Saturday’s oracle gave us a heads up about how other people’s truths don’t have to affect our forward momentum but we may be forgiven for imagining that it only applies to their opinions. Your truth is more readily apparent in your behaviour than in your actual words, so what are we to do about how others behave towards us?

The first thing you must recognise is that people treat how you allow them to. You set the standard for what you will and will not tolerate. How clear you are about your own boundaries is reflected in your behaviour… you can say what you find acceptable as much as you like but when you go ahead and accept less, that’s the cue others take and the level they rise to.

Do you find that people constantly break commitments they made with you, turn up late, forget to let you know, pay you less than you are worth, break your confidence, steal from you, disregard your needs, commandeer your time, encroach on your space…? You get the picture. Do you even notice when its happening?

How you respond to these infringements, even the minor ones, is sending a signal to other people as to how you are prepared to be treated and what is acceptable behaviour to you.

Today is a good day to do a thorough assessment of your own boundaries and level of self-worth. Observe how often someone makes a presumption on your time or resources (including your knowledge or training in any given area), how often they let you down on arrangements and agreements etc. Notice then how you respond to those transgressions. Is it normal for you to let it slide? Being understanding and compassionate of the other persons needs or circumstances is a noble quality of course but at what cost to you?

Once you have become more aware of your own participation in allowing these actions to occur, it’s time to adjust your settings… you will meet with resistance, especially if the perpetrators have been in your life for a while, it is really difficult to raise the bar once it has been set but it is not impossible, you just have to be prepared to let people fall away if they won’t adjust with you. Principle 2: I AM Detached reminds us to be present with what is, Principle 5: I AM Liberated reminds us to let go of what holds us captive. That being the case, what or who in the here and now is holding you captive in your old state of low self-worth by continuously crossing your boundaries?

Once you establish new ones, only your behaviour will determine their validity and endurance.

Adjust your settings today… x

Creating Space To Grow

Creating space to grow is vital for the next adventure to commence. You didn’t get here by accident. Though you may not have actually intended your current set of life circumstances (or perhaps some of you did), every thought, belief and choice: unconscious or otherwise has led to where you are now and if you take just a moment to trace the path back, without becoming too enmeshed in the history, you will see which actions or inactions led to each step on the journey.

It’s not an exercise in self punishment or judgment but rather a learning process for future development. If you are drawn to working with angels, like me, then Archangel Jeremiel would be the perfect angel to call upon to help you do a  fearless evaluation of the journey so far. Call upon him in meditation before you begin to retrace your steps. Once you have a clear picture of what brought you to this place in  life you can begin to choose more consciously where to focus to direct the flow in the present towards a deliberately intended future.

The next step however, is to make room for that future to enter by recognising that something new cannot exist where the old fills the space… health cannot live where unhealthy habits dwell, love cannot enter where the space is filled with fear, prosperity cannot find room in a miserly hoard etc.

Let’s take the example of love and relationships…

When you look around you do you see fulfilling, mutual, supportive, uplifting connections to those you surround yourself with? If the answer is yes then you are very fortunate indeed simply because there is no greater currency than love. If on the other hand you feel that your companions take more than they give or disrespect your boundaries in some other way then you have to ask yourself whether or not you keep them around just out of fear of the alternative of being alone? It’s a tough question to face and you may flinch at the thought of creating space by dropping partners, friends and companions…but that’s not the formula here… what is more important is adjusting how you treat yourself. When you love yourself completely and uncompromisingly, you no longer accept less from anyone else. When you respect yourself completely and uncompromisingly, others follow suit and those that don’t will naturally fall away leaving room for new companions to step in mirroring back your love.

If you berate yourself constantly, pull yourself down, neglect your emotional needs, cave in on your boundaries: your time, your personal space, your possessions, your intellectual property, your standards and principles, even your personal truth… then you send a signal to those around you that its ok for them to do the same.

When you have taken a look at how you arrived here with Jeremiel’s help, start creating space to grow by weeding out those behaviours and beliefs that hold you apart from your deepest and dearest wishes. Self-love is the key to your conscious onward journey into your Wholly Grail.

Principle 1: I AM God

Principle 6: I AM Self-Full

Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted

More later… x

P.S. Annual Angelic Forecast for 2018 are available to order here until the end of January if you would like to understand which angels are supporting your personal journey.

Saturday Oracle – Shine A Light On It

They say the truth will set you free and this combination is the gateway to illuminating what that truth might be as we shine a light on it.

Principle 4: I AM Truth, teaming up with the Royal Blue throat chakra is a double whammy on the honesty and authenticity front. As we step into the week ahead it is imperative that you are clear, firstly about what your own needs are and secondly in how you communicate those needs to others.

Verbal brilliance is required in order to get your needs met. Not in a dazzlingly supercilious way, but in a simple, concise and frank account of the elements involved. Be who you are. There is no reason to dress up your intentions or beat around the bush. Everyone involved will be relieved by the simplicity of having all the facts at hand.

There is a secondary meaning in this combination and that is: you don’t know what you don’t know… there is a good chance that your burning questions will be answered this week as you connect with someone who can “shine a light on it” for you. New information may throw up more questions and you should be right up front about asking them.

The energy of the week is efficient, matter of fact, organised and fast paced… you will stay in the driver’s seat while you stay true to yourself and make sure everyone knows they stand.

Wishing you verbal brilliance all week long… x

Ps. Grail insights may be thin on the ground for a little while as I deal with some close to home issues that require my attention. Back soon. Please share this post (as I don’t have time right now) x

The Walls That Define Us

Where are your boundaries?

Do you have a good handle on what is and is not acceptable to you? Do you understand your own limitations beyond which you are not prepared to go?

We tend to imagine boundaries as invisible energetic barriers that determine self preservation and protection from others but what if your boundaries also represented your limitations?

What If boundaries were simply an excuse to never take a risk? The walls that define us may be presenting a version of ourselves that is constrained by fear based imaginings keeping our worlds very small and preventing connection on a deep and beautiful level.

Separation is an illusion created by humans to identify less with the Divine and more with the misconception of ownership. We live in little boxes literally and symbolically to further demonstrate that what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine… The boundaries aren’t a bad thing, they aren’t a good thing either, they are a mechanism by which we keep the world outside… but they also keep us locked in.

The sad thing is that from within those imaginary walls we peer outside and see heartbreak and tragedy and we sigh, then go on with our own little lives relieved that “out there” is somebody else’s problem… that’s not happening in my little piece of the world.

So we stay on our own side. We don’t connect. We don’t take the time to talk. We don’t feel the need to get involved. We reinforce those boundaries and challenge any that come too close.

When did we forget who we truly are?

As an antidote to the disconnected world today, reach out to a stranger, offer a smile, offer your help, share something (and I don’t mean on Facebook).

The power lives within each of us to bring down the walls that define us.

Principle 1: I AM God.

More later… x

Quiet Please, Im Processing

Whenever you are amidst the tumultuous workings of a busy mind, the basics can get left behind in the interior swirl. Personally I have decided to take the day off… I almost didn’t write a post except to get my head in the game, which sounds like a contradiction doesn’t it? Take the day off/get your head in the game???

When I say take a day off its a day off from drama, from external influence and from distraction and getting my head in the game simply means to reconnect to my own core goals and ideals through deep meditation and connection to the angelic realm for guidance on which way to proceed.

The clutter that gets jammed up inside your head stops you from focusing on the most significant Principle of The Wholly Grail and that is simply to recognise that you are in fact the creator of your own life story and you have the power to build the chapters any way you want. Principle 1: I AM God sounds like a big pair of shoes to fill but those shoes come in your size too and you are not expected to stand in anyone else’s.

Getting clear on where you would like those shoes to take you needs a certain amount of discernment… if you are caught up in the eddy of outer appearances then you will no doubt be feeling a little unsure of which way next and even if you knew, how would you break loose of where you are at the moment?

“Quiet please, I’m processing” may have those who are used to having your attention feeling a little put out, but for you to steer your ship you have to get everyone else out of the control room, off the bridge and especially to get their hands off the wheel.

Whether you need an hour, a day, a week or an indefinite time out, you are worthy of your own peace.  You are brave enough to place a “do not disturb” on the door, a “hold my calls” on the phone and give yourself permission to come back to YOU.

More later… x

 

Saturday Oracle – Your Own Best Friend

For the second week running the issue of Self-Full Living has risen to the surface to remind you that you matter…

Principle 6: I AM Self-Full combines its powerful influence with the sacral chakra to highlight your relationships and more importantly this week, where you fit into them.

Redefining boundaries will feature heavily in the next few days as you find more and more that your needs are not being met and in some cases you are being taken advantage of.

You may notice that those close to you are making the rules up as they go along and are somewhat oblivious to the effects of their actions… it’s not personal, they are simply behaving in a way that feels natural to them and as you may have been passively standing by as standards deteriorate, now is not the time to apportion blame for the fact that you feel violated or otherwise affronted.

The issue here lies in the assumption that loved ones actually know what you want… have you been clear?

Knowing where you end and others begin is a tricky business especially when you’re invested in the friendship/partnership/relationship, as rocking the boat by being vocal about what’s gone wrong can often feel confrontational if handled badly, perceivably risking the connection, but here’s the thing: strong fences, good neighbours make. In layman’s terms that’s pointing out that without boundaries conflicts ensue.

All that being said, this week it’s time to be your own best friend and take back control of your life by first accepting responsibility for allowing your energetic walls to be breached and then clarifying your position.

Everyone benefits from knowing where they stand.

Ask Archangel Michael to guide you to find the right words to use and to cut cords and attachments to fear based thoughts that have thus far caused you to remain passive or silent and ask for everyone’s highest good to be served by your assertive actions.

More next week… x