So I’m trapped in the house under what seems like an avalanche of snow, high winds battering my windows and an intense desire to crawl back under my duvet and sleep until the thaw, thinking about how I’m affected by all the external fluctuations both positively and negatively and how my inspiration, motivation and general wellbeing are being so easily entwined in the drama and what it feels like at my centre when I focus inwards towards the place of peace that is my true nature.
Part of my spirit name actually means ‘place of peace’ and this morning I was triggered very deeply into remembering that.
When I was a child I adopted a coping mechanism whenever I felt in anyway belittled or diminished either by anyone else or by my own thoughts and memories of uncomfortable situations, I would simply silently spell my own name whilst counting the letters out by tapping each of my fingers to my thumb (counting my thumb as well, I always had to tap my ring finger twice because I don’t have enough fingers and one letter is repeated anyway): J-O-A-N-N-E.
So this morning, my mind wandering onto a thousand or so topics that I was not consciously monitoring, happened upon just such a diminishing thought that caused my body to tense and a feeling of shame or guilt or some other completely bloody useless emotion to rise within me, but before the feeling could take hold I had automatically begun spelling my name and simultaneously counting the letters with my fingers. I didn’t intend to or think it was a good idea, it just started happening without my conscious input… it was on the second repetition that I recognised what I was doing and that my name was my place of peace… because now I couldn’t remember what the thought was, I had just interrupted the potential downward spiral of a bullying mind.
On further reflection I noticed that the double tap on my ring finger unconsciously represents my commitment to me.
So my spirit name means place of peace but my given name is my place of peace. At the centre of my being is a built in reminder, a survival skill linked to remembering who I am. Principle 1: I AM God... and it overrides and interrupts my occasional inability to accept Principle 3: I AM Human.
How do you stop the spiral and what’s your place of peace?
More later… x