There’s this invisible force that pushes each of us forward. It’s an imaginary force that perpetuates an internal fear. It sounds like the voice of responsibility and authority and berates each of us for not being good enough, fast enough, bright enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, useful enough… enough. We are continually listening out for that voice to praise us, praise that the voice is incapable of giving because it knows only “less than” or “lacking.” It’s mantra is born of comparison and competition. Are we desperately seeking permission? Permission to just be?
I’ve been in conversation with this authoritarian inner voice in the last couple of days. I say conversation but admittedly it’s hard to have a conversation with someone who believes you are wrong and they are right, it’s a direct violation of Principle 4: I AM Truth, and in opposition to my last post (which is still inspiring me today). The conversation wasn’t about arguing the toss with my archetypal Victorian Headmaster, more about trying to establish who the voice was within me… (can I just point out at this juncture that my shadow work doesn’t imply multiple personality disorder and is part of my Grail Quest to know myself better. All aspects of Self).
So this voice then: the Whip-Cracker, The Chastiser, The Destroyer of Daydreams… where does this draconian nemesis stem from? To understand further I had to delve into my fear of consequences: “If you don’t achieve this, then that will happen,” is how the dialogue goes. But is that really true?
Now asking that question the voice took on a different texture, that of the victim… The Victim of Consequences… so I told the victim a story that captured her attention enough to listen. You see all my inner archetypes love stories, that is who I am at my core: a storyteller. And my stories are powerful, so powerful in fact that I believe them (we all do)… I believe the stories I tell myself about who I am and who I’m not, how well I’m doing or not doing, what’s expected of me or not, what belongs to me or not, etc. This story though, this was the story of all stories, it was the story about the crack in the universe… maybe I’ll tell it to you another time if you’re very good (and only you can decide if you are by listening to your own stories)… After hearing the story, my Victim of Consequences understood that beyond all other consequences, believing in an authority greater than your own brings the worst consequence of all.
In that moment the victim was swallowed by the story and dragged helplessly through that crack in the universe, the headmaster was silenced until further notice and the daydreamer, no longer needing permission, stared out beyond the crack allowing the storyteller access to infinite new stories available when the mood takes her to unravel them for all of us.
What is the greatest consequence of all?
For each of you it will be different: your health, your happiness, your vitality, a wasted life… for me its the ability to believe in my own story… and when my storyteller has the attention of all my inner archetypes, oh you should see how spellbinding she can be… The story is captivating, it’s a Grail Quest filled with adventure, love, laughter, wisdom and wonder… and it can’t help but have a happy ending.
Give yourself permission for all of that. Be.
More later… x