In meditation with my guides this morning, I was warned not to get too metaphorical or poetic with this post. Although it is my natural writing style, the advice was to make it about me. More specifically about my week so far and how easy it is to fall out of alignment when you are carrying too great a burden in any relationship, transaction or agreement. So I want to tell you about how my inner-peace got obliterated by a misconstrued notion of responsibility, (and how I got it back – FAST).
Signs something deeper is happening
When all my usual spiritual and wellbeing practices don’t aid my sleep patterns, my skin goes sallow and my eating habits are being guided more by the low-level anxiety I’m feeling than the wisdom and knowledge of my own body, (accumalated to heal myself over decades), I know there’s something more to this diagnosis than the surface issue that appears to be worrying me.
This week started with a looming deadline for a decision to be made.
Here’s the thing, I know there is no way I’ll be able to deliver in the allotted time and still maintain my own health and wellbeing. I’m okay with that. A few extra days will allow the relevant information to arrive and the decision to be made easily so my side of the aggreement fulfilled, albeit a little late. It’s taken some deep inner-work to realise what it is that I’m not okay with and why it drained my energy to a point where my peace was threatened.
This is what I found lurking in the shadows
I’ve heavily focused on the opinion, judgment and potential disappointment of the person I “owed” the decision to… I don’t like to let anyone down, ever.
The Grail Path’s 4th Principle: I AM Truth, alludes to this. Though I’ve been practicing it’s wisdom for 10 years, I still get tripped up by the deep-rooted programmes that have been running unnoticed for a lifetime, many lifetimes in fact. I know this is a trait I inherited from and adopted via my maternal lineage.
Here is the Divine Lesson
You are only ever responsible for your side of the agreement. To uphold it to the absolute best of your ability, given the information and resources available. Sometimes you will have to concede that your best IS ENOUGH… (even if others might think it’s not enough).
Here’s where I was going wrong
I was labouring under the burden of what I thought the other party might think and then how he might react. But, what another person thinks is never your responsibility… apart from the fact it’s sheer conjecture, it’s too much, it’s too big, it’s too heavy and it was never yours to carry in the first place. They are always responsible for their side of the transaction including how they feel about it.
I used to have this image of myself in meditation, (okay, this is where the metaphor creeps in). I had a yoke across my shoulders, carrying two pails of liquid, like an old fashioned milk maid. At the time I was in a very onesided, narcissistic entanglement, but I only just now, understand it’s reference. I was carrying the burden of both my Grail and his. My current situation, though not romantic or emotionally entangled, has the very same energy of onesided burden and it is simply because, I’ve been carrying the belief that I’m responsible or beholden in some way for maintaining the integrity of the entire agreement all by myself. This is what it means to give your power away.
The revelation has once again upgraded my understanding of the inner workings of my own Grail (my reservoir of vital life-force and how to maintain it), and made me ever more vigilant around where I’m carrying the burden of responsibility in other relationships too. By recognising and relinquishing the need to be responsible for anyone else’s “stuff” my peace has returned with the knowledge that it has always been my intention to uphold my side of the bargain as far as is humanly possible.
It’s funny, this is the exact sort of thing I spot in an instant when working with my clients. But that’s why it’s called a “Path,” the journey is a continuous unfolding and an ever-inward-winding road to knowing Yourself.
In this week where judgment seems to be high on the world’s agenda, where are you carrying too great a burden by accepting the responsibility for what another person thinks or feels about you?
Love, Jo x
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PPS. If you’re ready to stop giving your power away in your life, love and business, apply to work with me here