We all know at least one. In fact you’ve probably been chatting to her this week. You might even be her. She’s the one who is, at least on the surface, “killing it” at everything she puts her attention to. She’s intelligent, solution-oriented, filled with practical wisdom and gets you the results you need, fast. She’s also the one you turn to when life goes to shit (and let’s face it, shit happens, right)? Let me ask you this though, have you ever stopped to consider why even the most powerful women run out of steam?
Are you killing it?
If you’re the one who appears to be “killing it” in all (visible) areas of your life, chances are you portray an air of invinciblity. It’s as sexy as hell to all those who you inspire and I get that you wouldn’t want to let them down. But what happens when they realise you are actually human and just as vulnerable to the fluctuations of the path as they are? What happens when they finally realise that shit happens in your life too?
Here is an uncomfortable truth:
One of the first things that will happen is that those who see you as invincible will ignore what’s happening to you and go right back to asking you to fix their shit! The moment you decline or say “not right now” they will go elsewhere, and that is going to feel really uncomfortable when you have invested time and energy in and on them.
The next thing that will happen is that you will be forced to confront your own fallibility. Being human is expressed through the 3rd Principle of The Grail Path. It teaches us that we all get it wrong, failure is inevitable on the path to growth and success and that everybody, without exception, has the potential to let you down, including you. This Principle is the basis for accepting others as they are and for forgiving both their and your own shortcomings.
Where are you investing?
Once you pass through these events your final realisation is that those remaining, helping you rebuild, are the ones you should continue investing your energy in. Let the others go with love, you owe them nothing, least of all your spiritual, mental, emotional or physical well-being.
I created the Grail Path in 2012, as a seemingly successful and powerful woman, who was definitely running out of steam. I was repeating a pattern from years before of being all things to all people and not understanding or at least integrating the spiritual meaning of reciprocity. Everyone I touched was winning at life while mine was decaying rapidly. My marriage was breaking down, my business was accruing debt, my mental health was declining and even those who were meant to be supporting me were in fact piling on more burden.
Generosity is a high priority in the work and home life of those who choose a path of service. Recognising that giving without boundaries is in fact not generosity at all but a form of self-sacrificing martyrdom that actually helps nobody in particular, is a tough lesson. But it isn’t always just about people.
Powerful women put enormous pressure on themselves to achieve, to create, to meet deadlines, achieve goals, uplevel, show up… they make commitments without hesitation, they say yes to others without considering if they are saying no to themselves… the list goes on in the name of getting everyone over the finish line with you.
When you are on a journey to your desired detination, you cannot hold the reins and be the horse pulling the cart at the same time… and you certainly can’t pull it with “everyone and his mother” piling on the cart without consequence!
The one main reason
It doesn’t matter how many things I list as reasons why even the most powerful women run out of steam, there is actually one main reason (and one reason only): they haven’t put their own needs at the top of the list of things to do, be or have. Their health, happiness and well-being is not a priority in their own life and has been sidelined for any number of other projects.
She’s a giver. She’s an over-investor. She’s already tapped into her final reserves to get the job done and get it (and everyone else) over that finish line. Because. She. Cares.
If you know her, (or even if she’s you), ask her what SHE needs right now?
Really powerful women:
- Know who they are and what they are worth
- Stay mindful and present to what’s important
- Recognise their own and other people’s limitations
- Stand in their own truth
- Free themselves of anything that drains their power/energy
- Prioritise and take responsibility for their wellbeing
- Create healthy boundaries to create balance and reciprocity.
It is perfectly acceptable to:
- Take time out/off to refuel
- Enforce new boundaries
- Change your terms
- Sever connections
- End contracts
- Renegotiate commitments
You can be a powerful woman and still be human… in fact the human bit comes as standard. Vulnerability is not a dirty word… it’s the guiding light back to self-love.
With love from Jo x
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