In last week’s blog I was asking what light’s you up? I wanted you to consider deeply your reason for doing what you do every day, because I know how debilitating it can be to be living without passion.
Before I ventured into life as a spiritual teacher, I worked as an operations manager in the leisure industry. When I started there, it was as front of house supervisor for the box office at the largest flagship site in the company.
I was so in love with the work, the people, the connection and the ethos of the whole place.
Everyday was an adventure. Every interaction I had with the customers and my team was a living gift to my soul. We worked hard, we played and partied harder. My passion was rewarded over and over again as the people I served, lavished me with just as much love as I put into making their every visit special. The box office information desk was decorated with all the soft toys and cards that came in daily to thank me for making their visit special. I even remember one customer bringing me donuts! I quickly became the unofficial ambassador for customer service. The general manager would regularly come to me to confess or beg my forgiveness if she personally had upset a customer!
But the mutual passion couldn’t last.
The company changed hands several times. With each new brand came a new ethos, with each new policy change came less autonomy. We went from being all about the people, to all about the product and eventually to a company that was all about the profit.
As I moved up through the ranks, my power to serve was diminished. Instead, everyday became about dealing with drama and putting out fires. As I put out another fire I felt my own inner flame begin to go out.
Arriving every day, I was greeted with “Jo, I’m so glad you’re here…” followed quickly by a list of everything that was pissing my team off or everything that was going wrong, (or everything that the previous duty manager had triggered), and although it was nice to be needed…
I notice it so often with the people I work with today. The sense of validation they feel because they are needed. Not realising the immense pressure that being the one who solves the drama is putting on them, is actually draining the passion from them. Can you relate?
For me the result was physical. My immune system began to shut down and I couldn’t recover. I had no passion left for anything. I was going through the motions each day until even motion became a problem. I ended up in hospital being tested for adrenal cancer.
Fast forward several months and after a slow recovery from what was finally diagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I returned to work. The passion never returned with me. I returned because I had to make rent. I returned because I felt I owed my team that much. For the next 3 years I played the game whist pouring my passion into my spiritual studies, qualifying as an energy therapist and a counsellor.
Everything I thought I owed to others came from a misconception and misunderstanding about what I owed to myself. A few very dear friends made those last few years bearable until one day, even they weren’t enough. I had no choice but to quit.
I was on antidepressants, taking migraine medication, extremely unhappy and wondering if life was worth living anymore. My soul wanted one thing but I had consistently been doing another and it was slowly killing me from the inside out.
I chose me.
Fast forward again by 12 years this time and I’m happy, at ease, serving people with love and compassion and I’ve finally found that fighting fires, other people’s drama and not recognising my own worth, has no place in my life.
It took me many years of exploring to find the Grail Path and my way here. It took several co-dependent friendships and relationships. It took sacrifice and discipline, trial and error… but I made it here and as a result, I have the tools to guide you to peace, purpose and back to passion too. You don’t have to wait until your body and your will shut down to start your journey, you can start following the Grail Principles now… start with Principle 6: I AM Self-Full.
Living without passion doesn’t have to be your reality. Choose you. Get passionate about who you are becoming. An empowered version of you serves everyone, (and so much more).
Love Jo xxx
Read more about my recovery from CFS and start your own healing journey through self-care with my “Self-Full Living Workbook” available here.
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