Kicked The Codependency Habit? …What Next?

Its a question I had to ask myself recently: have I kicked the codependency habit? My answer was met with two distinct voices, one of whom was singing my praises and celebrating with a resounding “Yes!” While the other was desperately waving red flags and asking: “How will I know until I’m faced with another test?”

It’s been a bit of a harrowing and yet bitterly sweet few years, learning the true meaning of what it is to not just love myself more, but to truly respect my own divinity and worth at the deepest level. This concept is the basis for the first Principle in the Grail and the one from which the power to accept all the others is derived. It is also the foundation upon which all versions of personal happiness and sustainable success in life and love are built.

I knew that. Well, intellectually at least.

It is one thing to bandy about words and concepts like self-love, self-respect and self-worth, but it’s quite another to integrate the energy of, and begin to live by the highest frequency of these conscious programmes. Until you do, nobody else in your sphere will show you how to do it… its true that people can only love you to the extent that you love yourself and more importantly that they will inevitably love you the way you show them how. By that premise, until we have integrated and begun to consistently display the elements of reverence for our own divinity, nobody else is going to.

I’ve had a little internal conversation with the voice of my red flag bearer, about the true nature of her presence… you see the fact that she’s there flag-in-hand, tell’s me that I’m still very aware of the potential for codependent, even toxic relationships and connections that comes as a result of forgetting who I am, even for just a moment. And that because of her presence, I cannot forget… so I am lavishing just as much love on that part of me as I am on the part that knows she’s overcome the greatest test she was sent to endure and not only survived, but firmly decided that she’s a much better version of herself as a result of the journey.

What’s even more special is that I now know for sure that my capacity for forgiveness is infinite. I’m not talking about the words: “I forgive you,” (although they are a good place to start). I’m talking about the radical transmutation of all anger and resentment, all blame and all shame and the unltimate liberation from any sense of attachment or victimhood. Add to that, the fact that I know it’s all been a test and that new tests will arrive, shows indications that in knowing myself and accepting myself with the same openness and compassion I give to others, stems from the understanding that nothing in this world is ever personal…

If its not personal, I can play with it more. Be easy with it, be easy on myself.

Always remember you get to choose how you interact with others but it has to start with how you honour yourself. To do that you have be brave enough to say goodbye to anything that doesn’t honour you. Be unafraid of losing even the most precious of connections. If you do lose it, it was never love.

If you’ve kicked the codependency habit but are still unsure if the next adventure will go the same way, love yourself enough to say no until you no longer feel the need to silence your red flag waving reminder of how far you’ve come. She’s not your inner-wound, she’s your standard-bearer and she’s setting your standards way higher than you ever thought you were worthy of. She’s going to make sure you are attracting only the crystal clear mirror of your own self-love in another human being.

Honour her first and foremost. The red on that flag is the depth and passion of your beautiful heart. It deserves nothing less in return.

Jo x

Did you catch the Dragon Reading this week?

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