I have truly been making some bold moves behind the scenes lately, shifting my consciousness, my focus, my attitudes and my intentions to a much more authentic version reflecting my inner drives. Outwardly, to most onlookers, the adjustments may appear minor or they may not have noticed anything at all, and that’s ok by me… we wouldn’t want to scare the natives would we? Others have been clued in on my intentions, my position and my true feelings about life and what I want from it and I’ve left them to ponder the implications at their own pace.
There was a time when I would have freaked out at this stage and spiralled into high drama, allowing my own internal gremlins to take control of the conversation going on my head about how others might react or feel about my revelations, but something about where I am now is pleasantly indifferent to what people think of me, even those that truly matter… it is just how things are and the way I am now. That’s not to say that how they feel doesn’t matter, of course it does. I am all about feelings, that’s probably the part of me that has evolved as I have shifted my focus further from logic and deeper into my own intuition… I should probably say devolved as that’s where I began the journey and have come full circle… or have I?
Imagine standing on the side of a dusty road having just woke up. Along the road to your right, off in the distance is a dense forest and off to your left in the distance is a high mountain. The road appears to end at each natural obstacle but you have no way of knowing that for sure without exploring further. You have no recollection of how you arrived at that spot, as if you had simply been dropped on the path in your sleep. The terrain is unfamiliar and familiar at the same time but you have no compass or definite points of reference so really either way could be forward and either way could be back the way you came… which way do you choose?
Does it matter?
The more relevant question here is what do you want? For me its about ascending to a higher altitude so my choice has to be to head towards the mountain, so to speak. It’s a risk for sure because I have no idea how to climb, if the path continues, if there will be help along the way, if there are resources to support me, shelter to protect me etc. I know the forest has those resources but in the dense darkness that exists there will I ever see the sunshine again? Perceived safety isn’t always the best option… I have no idea what’s lurking in those woods: confusion perhaps or even madness?
We perceive the road as a straight line when life tells us always that the road is a circle: beyond the mountain the road continues, traversing other natural obstacles but eventually leading to the resources of the forest and beyond the forest the road continues taking in myriad adventures on its way back towards the mountain and higher ground. The point being, you are always heading in the right direction because the only direction is back towards you (it’s just that sometimes you have to get further away to find your way back).
As I begin to ascend to a higher altitude on this particular circuit, I’m doing so knowing that my fear of having to do it alone is just a fear… that mountain is rock solid, it looks inaccessible from the side of the road but as a foundation for building a life, it’s unshakable.
On your Grail Quest, don’t be afraid to circle back around, it will never be the same experience twice because you are different on every pass (Principles 2 & 4), it’s always an invitation to life mastery.
More later… x