It’s more important than anything else that you might do, to do it because it makes you happy. Now the fact that we often surround ourselves with details that come with obligations, people that come with agendas, wants and needs that come with conditions etc, makes finding that joy a little more difficult because it’s obscured by superfluous stuff.
Let’s say for instance that you fall in love… that’s a biggy isn’t it? We imagine that love will make us happy don’t we? Supposing though, that the person you fall in love with turns out to be exactly what people warned you about and that your rose tinted, see-the-best-in-everyone-especially-the-romantic-interest glasses, have finally been removed… what action now will make you happiest?
Let’s make the scenario even more complicated: what if the romantic interest was heavily into playing games of hide and seek, which you suspect are more about his emotional insecurity and the fact that he’s got a history of failed relationships behind him than the outward appearance of him just being an abusive narcissist with a god complex, and what if after remembering that his prey (you) is not a pathological masochist, but in fact someone who deserves to be treated with gentleness and respect, what if he suddenly began the seeking process again and all traces of the monster were stored away for the next time he got scared? What would make you happy now?
Love doesn’t go away but like all energy it has the capacity to transform.
Taking the path of least resistance is not always clear because choosing joy now can lead to pain later if you are not vigilant. In our scenario it’s worth noting that reaching out, though forgiveness releases all parties from lower vibrations like resentment and bitterness, allowing the hidden monster back into your life just because he smiles and says please (or not), wouldn’t be an act of forgiveness it would be an act of stupidity. You can respect a shark and still know to keep out of the sea where it’s swimming.
So let’s take a look at the real path of least resistance. Abstinence now can lead to joy later. Finding happiness in abstinence, through acceptance of your own strength and self-love, rather than from the temporary relief from grieving that reconnecting might bring, leads to celebration… achieving the things you put on hold whilst neck deep in the drama leads to more happiness still.
We mostly search for relief from a lack of understanding by asking “why?” “Why did you do that?” or whatever, “Why me?” or “Why won’t you give up?” is a good one, but ultimately none of those questions will change anything. Accept where you are, let go of what has proven over and over again to be painful and unhealthy and walk away… set both of you free… you don’t need to save the next woman from the monster, that’s her lesson to learn… save yourself, trust me you can’t save him, he doesn’t believe the monster exists.
My mum once told me that monsters weren’t real. Now I know the truth: every little boy and girl contains the capacity to become a monster or to become a Grail Knight that knows better than to engage in a contest with the ones that were so damaged that the monster had no choice but evolve to protect them.
My path of least resistance is to send real love to my ex monster from a safe distance, to send healing and understanding to a damaged little boy, but to cut off all methods of contact and flow towards my own happiness… happiness that doesn’t depend on him or on knowing why.
A very personal post today, I know. I hope it inspires at least one of you to find another way that doesn’t depend on abusive relationships.
More later… x