Tag Archives: Responsibility

Fighting With The Fear Of Freedom

Years ago, weary and jaded by the corporate grind, downtrodden by the internal politics of the all-too-familiar company dynamic, unable to affect real change for myself or my employees even as a senior manager, I decided that the only logical course of action open to me that didn’t mean me collapsing into another cycle of blind apathy was to quit.

Scary shit man! I mean, walking away from the stability of a decent salary at the height of a countrywide recession when you have a mortgage to pay and no clue what to do next…

That was beginning of my placing my full trust in the universe to guide me, the start of my spiritual adventure and the unification of my everyday material life with my soul’s direction for me. I’m not going to tell you I wasn’t terrified about being income-less and dependant on my then husband’s meagre wage, but the truth was that the moment I walked out of the front door of that multi-million pound personal prison, the relief I felt melted away all the fear of lack and was replaced by sheer determination.

My first task was to decide where life was going to take me next…

That’s the crux of this story… I had to decide.

Freedom is the scariest place on Earth if you have spent your life following someone else’s rules, policies, timetables, agendas… basically towing the company line. For the first time you stand there and go: what do I do? Which way do I go? God, what is my purpose?

You are so used to having your life mapped out that you panic and latch on to the first guru that seems to have got it all together, or the family member or friend that says “do this,” or “do that.”

That very voice that had you break out of the gilded cage though, will rise up within you and scream “You lead the way. We fought for the right to choose our own path now don’t give it away!”

But you’re so used to being told what to do… and now you’re fighting with the fear of freedom. The fear stems from deep within where you have yet to understand the power of responsibility, that place where you only have yourself to blame… and once you understand that blame is a redundant emotion wrapped up in judgement and self-criticism, you can swap it out for self-appreciation that regardless of whether you succeed or lose, you took the reins of the chariot and began blazing a trail of your own into the wilds of who knows where…

And when you ask God what your purpose is, He simply smiles knowing that He didn’t have to say a word for you to find it… to find you… to find freedom the moment you decided to choose for yourself.

If you are completely lost for a direction to choose then try this affirmation instead of letting someone else choose:

“God bring me a multitude of exciting opportunities today that I may sample, and choose for myself whichever brings me passion.”

Principle 1, 3, 4, 5 and 6 (that’s a whole lot of Principles!)

More later… x

 

First Monday Challenge – Revealing The Master Illusionist

After a lot of consideration I decided to follow this train of thought to see where it led me. Being the first Monday of the month, shying away from whatever is challenging is against my self-declared process and so we must be prepared to dive deep down the rabbit hole in search of our own answers and face head on what scares us the most. In my case that would be in revealing the master illusionist.

First let us understand the illusion a little better…

Someone has led you back to the point where you fall asleep and forget that you’ve been here before. I don’t mean in the reincarnation sense of having lived a physical life in a different time in a different body, though that would demonstrate this cycle on a lager scale, I mean you are going around and around with something, never really moving forward but instead being lulled into believing you are making progress when really you are being controlled, manipulated, placated. Like placing a dummy (pacifier) into the mouth of a crying baby and whispering “there there,” as the child settles and sleeps believing, at least temporarily, that the very thing that made them cry has been solved.

The master illusionist is a comforter and the means’ by which he or she comforts are mere distractions from that which would bring permanent relief and escape from the repetition of pain and peace…

Addiction is an easy hook by which to control. The promise of the substance provides a lure, the provision of a small sample of the craved for poison buys the illusionist time… is it a drug, alcohol, food, videogames, sex and romance, shopping? That temporary relief provides the “Ah yes, this time I will have what I want and this feeling I have now is proof that it’s on its way.” And now you’re asleep once more. You’ve forgotten that you’ve had a taste of this so-called proof before and you’ve forgotten that however many times you’ve repeated “it will be different this time,” here you are again.

Revealing the master illusionist is simple: who benefits from keeping you in denial of your true situation? Who now has perceived limitations as an excuse for stilted expansion? Who has created an infrastructure set up to withhold connection and intimacy? Who has ensured nobody has expectations of them that cannot be fulfilled thus negating the chance of failure, rejection and ridicule?

There will always be mirrors of the illusionist, others sent to highlight the original, those who have identified the strings, bonds and chains. They will, offer samples of the things you crave, take advantage of the devoted clientele you provide, but the true face of the master illusionist is the one that seeks out a new source of poison when a vendor dries up, the one that finds replacement numbing agents to lull you back to sleep when the pain of being awake gets to unbearable. The master illusionist will always be YOU… and the illusion will always be that you are helpless to help yourself. Only the poison changes form and whatever form it takes you convince yourself it holds all the power.

Today’s challenge is to stay awake, even if you partake of your own particular poison, do so with your eyes wide open and acknowledge the decision consciously.

At every moment through today and this week when you choose to indulge in distraction or addiction, repeat the words “I know what I’m doing and I’m choosing to do it anyway… at least until I find a permanent solution and my freedom no longer frightens me.”

Principles 3 & 5. Later this week I might go deeper into why we fear freedom.. but for now…stay awake.

More later… x

Saturday Oracle – A Glance Back Towards Yesterday

Principle 4: I AM Truth is standing on the precipice of the vibrant orange sacral chakra this week asking for you to reclaim your integrity within a close relationship or following the end of one as you’re guided to take a glance back towards yesterday.

I wasn’t surprised by this combination as my vague knowledge of astrology is very aware that Venus is turning retrograde around now and being the planet of love, desire, passion, relationships, intimacy and connecting, all the things associated with the sacral chakra they in a highlighted position at present. The idea that the celestial love goddess appears in the sky to be travelling backwards doesn’t invite you to go backwards as such but instead to review and reflect with a view to heal. But that’s enough astrology, let’s get back to the Principle in question…

I AM Truth. What the heck does that mean?

Inside you, at a deep level you have access to your own truth. Some of us have buried it under blame, projection, deflection, ego, anger and a few other useless emotions and tactics that help us to avoid taking responsibility for where we are and how we got here.

Something valuable, I’d go as far as to say beautiful, has been lost because the truth was painful. Owning your truth even if it’s potentially going to be scorned upon by others is sign that your Grail and your self-esteem are intact. The opinions of others are just that, and though it may be true for them it doesn’t have to be so for you. Your actions have had consequences and you’ve cast aside the opportunity for unity, connection, intimacy, friendship, co-creation and commitment, even family because your pride had you lashing out to protect your reputation… underneath all the bluster you knew what was true but you chose to destroy something, someone. It may not be as dramatic as that… you’ll know when you glance back with compassion, for yourself if for nobody else.

This week’s energy flow has potential. I said at the beginning that this Principle is standing on a precipice, does that mean you can fix it? Retrograde Venus is hoping you will learn from it for sure but the other party has drawn a line and you have no way of crossing it now. A negative aspect of Principle 4 is that communication is all but blocked so attempting to rescue the remains of what’s been lost is damn near impossible. But this reading is about learning so that you can apply truth to all your dealings. Understanding how to open yourself up to emotional intimacy is about understanding that in vulnerability lies strength. The most magical relationship is the one in which there is no blame, where honesty is a given not a currency to be traded and where the more ammunition you give your loved one the more bullets they have to protect your love with instead of loading the gun and firing it at you.

Now then, since the new moon last week, we have entered a portal in which the end of a karmic cycle occurs. It remains open, like the precipice, until the full moon on the 12th March. I suggest you take a leap of faith, dive into the orange abyss and retrieve you… that way when the next potential love affair enters your orbit, all of you, your entire being will be ready to enter the arena and surrender to another human being who is ready to surrender to you.

Right I’m off to celebrate and eat cake with my lovely mum who is 80 years young today!

More next week… x

A Warrior’s Determination

Blame is the most disempowering action I can think of in this quest for personal peace. Taking responsibility for one’s own choices, even the perceived mistakes, (of which there are actually none in reality), affords you the luxury of reclaiming those parts of yourself that you left scattered along the way and re-integrating the energy they hold.

Blame is usually the product of two areas of The Wholly Grail: one hidden mechanic and the other one of the Principles. When you step out into the world wearing your shiny knight’s armour you can look the part very easily but it’s what’s under that armour that determines the noble character of the knight. If however the “victim” archetype lurks beneath on the Grail Knight’s chain mail then taking responsibility is the last thing on his or her mind. The victim feeds on blame.

Principle 3: I AM Human is the section of the Grail that deals with the concept of forgiveness. When we blame others for what happens to us we hold them to a higher standard than ourselves and we undo the balance of power in their favour. Now, as children, adults would be responsible for our care, thereby having power over us, but as adults we ultimately have the ability to choose for ourselves.

Please don’t misunderstand me, being the victim of another’s abuse of power is not the same as adopting a victim mentality. The former, when taking on the hero’s stance, can overcome whatever bad things have happened to them with grace and a warrior’s determination but the latter will be crippled by the most simple obstacle by spinning into a disintegrating cycle of “why does this always happen to me?”

Forgiveness comes in many forms but it’s the one sure way to let go of the past and create a new heading based on emotional freedom… it’s about how much baggage you’re willing to take on this journey.

Who can you forgive today and how much excess can you put down?

More later… x

P.S. Look out for details of The Path of Petals course that I will be posting early next week if you’re interested in progressing your spiritual journey towards enlightenment and self-mastery.

 

First Monday Challenge – When Not To Compromise

Along the path we often find ourselves, having completed a stage of the journey, reflecting on the lessons and blessings that came with it. We consolidate the ups and downs into wisdom by combining the new knowledge and the visceral experience, the memory of the pain and the pleasure into a metaphorical talisman of protection to remind us what pitfalls to avoid the next time around…

But this path is a tricky little sucker in that it disguises those same patterns with new faces, locations, situations and scenarios just to see if you are paying attention. The moment you complete the lesson, that’s when the test comes.

As its the first Monday of the last month of the year, no doubt you have had many lessons and many blessings since the year began, no doubt replete with many successes and many failures… the need for universal balance dictates that it should be so. So what of today’s challenge?

The universe is sending you an end of year test:

You’ve said goodbye to much, closed the door on some, closed the book on others… you’ve left the gate open for hopes and dreams but slammed your heart shut to potential pain… and here you are, another year gone. Some of you are celebrating an extraordinary year and others are sinking into despair and wondering why you’re here again…

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it is to recall all the times this year you were afraid to take a risk, afraid to step beyond you comfort zone. Don’t dwell there in victim mode asking “why me?” simply acknowledge you had a choice and thus empowering yourself to see a different choice when that opportunity arises again. Now, having done your retrospective risk assessment, look back at all the times you’ve compromised over the last year, all the times you caved in under either external pressure or internal habit or addiction… again, don’t dwell there, just acknowledge and accept that you had a choice in that moment however much it appeared otherwise and empower yourself to choose more wisely next time the opportunity arises.

Now then… The universe has decided that the lesson is complete. You will be tested this week, maybe even today… based on all you’ve learned, it’s your job to know when to take a risk or when not to compromise.

If you closed your heart to pain, you closed it to life and to love and to joy as well… when you shield your heart centre you will never be able to take a risk never learn to fly in an incredible leap of faith and you will constantly compromise on everything.

Isn’t it time your talisman was heart-shaped, open, trusting and full of wonder? Let love in.

Principle 3: I AM Human and Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted.

More later… x

First Monday Challenge – Do-over Day

It really takes courage to admit to yourself that you got it wrong, especially when you have emotionally invested in something. Each day you wake up and put your best foot forward further and further down a path that you don’t recognise or even particularly like, just simply because you made a choice somewhere back so far yonder that you don’t even remember when it happened, why it happened, or even if you dreamed it and it never actually happened at all… but you made a vow either consciously or subconsciously that you, until this point have felt obliged to adhere to until the bitter conclusion… did I just say bitter?

Seriously, who wants to end up bitter?

Seeing as though it’s the first Monday of the month and therefore challenge day, I’m challenging myself, and feel free to join in, in having a do-over day.

I’m not looking to repeat yesterday you understand, I’m more interested in unravelling a stuck pattern, a karmic loop as it were, that is very apparent in my life. I have on many occasions attempted to untie this knotty problem but the further down the path you travel the more complex the twists and turns of the story and the more invested you get every time you attempt to heal the faltering storyline. That being the case, when the knotty problem becomes so immense its painful and any move you make will merely increase the muddle, the only viable strategy is to throw the whole thing away and start the journey over…

“All that time, all that effort, all that money, all those tears… ”

Do you really want to add more of the same for more of the same?

A do-over day has to start with an honest appraisal of where you are, where you wish to get back to, what choices led you to this point and most of all the admission of full responsibility… taking responsibility is the most empowering mechanism for creating real change and its also a crucial step in embracing Principle 3: I AM Human.

Put your pride to one side, it’s nobody else’s business anyway, admit you made a mistake and get started on recreating your vision… this time the way you always imagined it could be.

Happy Monday… x

Where The Magic Happens

The path is created step by step, moment by moment each time you make a choice… and trust me you make a million choices, consciously or unconsciously across the space of any 24 hours, from what to wear to what to drink, to how to comb your hair or whether today is a good day to change you life entirely. Even adjusting your position microscopically to feel more comfortable is a choice but we often just do it as it comes naturally… something coming naturally is easily trained out when you activate a mindful approach to decision making…

Let’s take the consistent complainer for instance. Quite often they have no concept that their attitude is a negative one or indeed that they are sharing it, just as you may not have noticed that you just altered your posture because your neck was aching from looking down at the device you’re currently reading this from. Chances are they have fallen into the habitual state of acting without thinking first, of allowing conditioning and programming to take over and automatically fill in the blanks when it comes to making choices…

But right here, in this moment, that’s where the magic happens, right here you have a choice…

Before you act, think about the ramifications of your next move… this is not meant to cripple you into inaction, it’s purpose is to put you fully in control of your own life, knowing that the outcome, whether positive or negative is one that you have crafted. When you choose from an unconscious pattern of choice making you get to the end product and ask “why does this always happen to me?” Just because you weren’t paying attention to the decisions you were making doesn’t mean you weren’t making them, so think…

The first job is to recognise that you actually have a choice in front of you… if you are the serial complainer maybe you can start by counting how many complaints you utter during one solitary conversation (it’s just to raise your awareness that its happening). Next ask yourself a single question: “How can I see this situation differently?” What about venturing further by asking: “What would change in my life if I saw it differently?”

Sounds like it might take some time to get retrained but when you realise how much time you wasted walking the path completely asleep and unaware of the creative power you hold, seems like a short term trade off to me.

So, here where the magic happens, what’s it going to be? Choose wisely.

Principles 1 and 2: I AM God and I AM Detached.

More later… x

A Redundant Emotion

After recognising you always have a choice, reaching for joy and positivity, next comes a stark realisation. With this sometimes less than pleasant new found clarity you may encounter another negative tidal wave known simply as regret.

Regret is a redundant emotion. It’s counterparts: guilt and shame, also fall into the category of “ways to immediately disempower your self” and are equally as redundant in terms of actually changing anything.

Perhaps whilst indulging in your previous state of negative patterning you did something to belittle, deride or piss off someone who did nothing to deserve your lashing out (whether from fear, pain or other intense form of disempowerment), and now in your enlightened state you can clearly see the effects of your behaviour. Yes, expressing remorse of some kind may go some way towards showing the recipient of your misjudged outburst that there is indeed a human side to you but at this juncture you need to ask yourself a serious question: Am I in fact pained by the notion that I did harm to another or am I simply responding to the fact that I got pulled up over it or lost out on something valuable as a result? 

This question is about shifting your perception from selfish to service.

Now in the second instance, remorse is for oneself and regret is insincere, whilst in the first instance remorse may in fact trigger a healing for both parties… either way, regret is a redundant emotion….

Replace regret, guilt and shame with an empowered state: responsibility. “I did that.” ” I caused that.” “I acted from a disempowered position and I acknowledge I caused pain: to you, to myself, to all involved. I accept responsibility and I will do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

Regret has no potency except to deplete your vital energy. Regret cannot make amends. Regret cannot take action… only responsibility can do that. Be responsible.

I AM Human, or Principle 3 as it is in The Wholly Grail, is the key to forgiveness but nowhere does it state that you should indulge in regret whilst waiting for another to pardon your bad behaviour… forgive yourself, lighten up, take positive action and then the world will have reason to notice your humanity and forgive your f**k ups!

More later… x

When The Fantasy Fractured

Trawling through personal history is not a healthy place to dwell but on occasion it is a good exercise to sift through time recovering the blessings, lessons and experiences that have brought you to this place we call the present moment. You see, only by embracing your personal journey up to this point can you see the pattern and pivotal happenings that drew you towards the choices that you are now faced with.

At each tough juncture along the road when the fantasy fractured you became a better version of your former self. I say “when the fantasy fractured” because each major turning point shattered the illusions that you might have held as true before.

Life is science, an experiment that appears to constantly yield failure and only when you refuse to be defeated by it, will you take those failures and let them guide you to your eureka! moment.

In order to move past the failures you’re going to have grasp the basic concept of self-forgiveness. If you’re going to embrace this aspect of healing then first you are going to have to quit blaming and accept responsibility… for your actions or in actions, decisions or abstinence from making them.

“I did that” is a powerful statement, and though admission of guilt is a negative self-deprecating and confrontational stance to be taking, that very same statement seen as an acceptance of responsibility not guilt, can be the grounds for positive personal and inter-personal growth.

Understanding your own power to guide your life journey the way you want it to go needs to begin with healing… healing the bits you felt you didn’t control, claim back your power now by identifying the choice… not in a coulda, shoulda, woulda pointless exercise, but in an effort to observe that choice is always present… it’s the potential consequences of that choice that frighten us into believing that our world’s as we know them might shatter… but get your head around the concept that its only ever to be reformed in a much better, bigger, more suitable configuration.

Embrace Principle 3: I AM Human.

More later… x