Tag Archives: Relationships

Taking The Path Of Least Resistance

It’s more important than anything else that you might do, to do it because it makes you happy. Now the fact that we often surround ourselves with details that come with obligations, people that come with agendas, wants and needs that come with conditions etc, makes finding that joy a little more difficult because it’s obscured by superfluous stuff.

Let’s say for instance that you fall in love… that’s a biggy isn’t it? We imagine that love will make us happy don’t we? Supposing though, that the person you fall in love with turns out to be exactly what people warned you about and that your rose tinted, see-the-best-in-everyone-especially-the-romantic-interest glasses, have finally been removed… what action now will make you happiest?

Let’s make the scenario even more complicated: what if the romantic interest was heavily into playing games of hide and seek, which you suspect are more about his emotional insecurity and the fact that he’s got a history of failed relationships behind him than the outward appearance of him just being an abusive narcissist with a god complex, and what if after remembering that his prey (you) is not a pathological masochist, but in fact someone who deserves to be treated with gentleness and respect, what if he suddenly began the seeking process again and all traces of the monster were stored away for the next time he got scared? What would make you happy now?

Love doesn’t go away but like all energy it has the capacity to transform.

Taking the path of least resistance is not always clear because choosing joy now can lead to pain later if you are not vigilant. In our scenario it’s worth noting that reaching out, though forgiveness releases all parties from lower vibrations like resentment and bitterness, allowing the hidden monster back into your life just because he smiles and says please (or not), wouldn’t be an act of forgiveness it would be an act of stupidity. You can respect a shark and still know to keep out of the sea where it’s swimming.

So let’s take a look at the real path of least resistance. Abstinence now can lead to joy later. Finding happiness in abstinence, through acceptance of your own strength and self-love, rather than from the temporary relief from grieving that reconnecting might bring, leads to celebration… achieving the things you put on hold whilst neck deep in the drama leads to more happiness still.

We mostly search for relief from a lack of understanding by asking “why?” “Why did you do that?” or whatever, “Why me?” or “Why won’t you give up?” is a good one, but ultimately none of those questions will change anything. Accept where you are, let go of what has proven over and over again to be painful and unhealthy and walk away… set both of you free… you don’t need to save the next woman from the monster, that’s her lesson to learn… save yourself, trust me you can’t save him, he doesn’t believe the monster exists.

My mum once told me that monsters weren’t real. Now I know the truth: every little boy and girl contains the capacity to become a monster or to become a Grail Knight that knows better than to engage in a contest with the ones that were so damaged that the monster had no choice but evolve to protect them.

My path of least resistance is to send real love to my ex monster from a safe distance, to send healing and understanding to a damaged little boy, but to cut off all methods of contact and flow towards my own happiness… happiness that doesn’t depend on him or on knowing why.

A very personal post today, I know. I hope it inspires at least one of you to find another way that doesn’t depend on abusive relationships.

More later… x

Saturday Oracle – Truth Will Out

Truth will out this week as the authenticity contained in Principle 4: I AM Truth, embraces and communicates the same through the royal blue throat chakra. This combination is a bit like a double threat, but it’s a good one.

Some of the Grail Principles have a chakra twin, like this one, and that makes the combination more powerful… let me dissect them for you:

I AM Truth sets out an affirmation of acknowledgment of who you are and what feels right to you in your current state of evolution and from your current perspective. Though many people share similar beliefs, no two are ever exactly concurrent, simply because truth is viewed through and coloured by the eyes of experience and no two beings will ever have the same view. That being said, what’s true for you today may be transformed tomorrow by the introduction of new information… that’s why I like to add in a proviso with Principle 4 that says “I reserve the right to evolve.”

The throat chakra is the centre for communication and co-creation. When something is spoken it begins to take form because it’s moving from the realms of a private thought or idea and into the public domain. This goes for the written word too. Words are magic spells that can be used to harm or to heal, to create or to destroy and when engaging the throat chakra it should be done with caution and compassion….

But, in order to fully embrace this weeks oracle combination it should done without artifice, with absolute honesty.

Who you are, who you are willing to be, how you wish to be portrayed and what you want to be understood this week deserves nothing less than your truth. It’s a scary prospect putting it out there. Others may not agree, they may attempt to discredit you, they may attempt to claim your truth to be incorrect or even claim it as their own as has happened to me in the last few weeks…. but the facts remain the same: you have nothing to prove, nobody to convince and everything to gain by speaking out.

It’s worth noting that this coming week’s new moon in Aries is the first of the zodiac year and portends new beginnings and clean slates, but with Venus still in retrograde those new beginnings could have you in relationship reboot as you are presented with an ex who appears on the surface to have transformed from a sinner to a saint. With this combination make sure you are hearing truth from another before you fall for any bullshit. Though evolution of truth is high on the agenda and new understanding is possible, history and actions shouldn’t be ignored. Your truth has to override any proposition until evidence and corroboration is given.

Protection can be sought from Archangel Michael just by asking, and he will wrap you in his royal blue cloak, guide you towards safety and help you choose your words and actions wisely and for everyone’s highest good.

Have an open and honest week… x

Saturday Oracle – A Glance Back Towards Yesterday

Principle 4: I AM Truth is standing on the precipice of the vibrant orange sacral chakra this week asking for you to reclaim your integrity within a close relationship or following the end of one as you’re guided to take a glance back towards yesterday.

I wasn’t surprised by this combination as my vague knowledge of astrology is very aware that Venus is turning retrograde around now and being the planet of love, desire, passion, relationships, intimacy and connecting, all the things associated with the sacral chakra they in a highlighted position at present. The idea that the celestial love goddess appears in the sky to be travelling backwards doesn’t invite you to go backwards as such but instead to review and reflect with a view to heal. But that’s enough astrology, let’s get back to the Principle in question…

I AM Truth. What the heck does that mean?

Inside you, at a deep level you have access to your own truth. Some of us have buried it under blame, projection, deflection, ego, anger and a few other useless emotions and tactics that help us to avoid taking responsibility for where we are and how we got here.

Something valuable, I’d go as far as to say beautiful, has been lost because the truth was painful. Owning your truth even if it’s potentially going to be scorned upon by others is sign that your Grail and your self-esteem are intact. The opinions of others are just that, and though it may be true for them it doesn’t have to be so for you. Your actions have had consequences and you’ve cast aside the opportunity for unity, connection, intimacy, friendship, co-creation and commitment, even family because your pride had you lashing out to protect your reputation… underneath all the bluster you knew what was true but you chose to destroy something, someone. It may not be as dramatic as that… you’ll know when you glance back with compassion, for yourself if for nobody else.

This week’s energy flow has potential. I said at the beginning that this Principle is standing on a precipice, does that mean you can fix it? Retrograde Venus is hoping you will learn from it for sure but the other party has drawn a line and you have no way of crossing it now. A negative aspect of Principle 4 is that communication is all but blocked so attempting to rescue the remains of what’s been lost is damn near impossible. But this reading is about learning so that you can apply truth to all your dealings. Understanding how to open yourself up to emotional intimacy is about understanding that in vulnerability lies strength. The most magical relationship is the one in which there is no blame, where honesty is a given not a currency to be traded and where the more ammunition you give your loved one the more bullets they have to protect your love with instead of loading the gun and firing it at you.

Now then, since the new moon last week, we have entered a portal in which the end of a karmic cycle occurs. It remains open, like the precipice, until the full moon on the 12th March. I suggest you take a leap of faith, dive into the orange abyss and retrieve you… that way when the next potential love affair enters your orbit, all of you, your entire being will be ready to enter the arena and surrender to another human being who is ready to surrender to you.

Right I’m off to celebrate and eat cake with my lovely mum who is 80 years young today!

More next week… x

‘Til Death Do Us Part

Now here’s a subject I don’t broach very often…

A beautiful friend of mine has become obsessed with his own mortality. He must mention it at least twice a week by slipping it in to an otherwise jovial interaction. I’m not sure if he is intending me to notice or if he has even noticed himself, but this underlying fear of his own mortal end (though he will insist that he has reconciled with the fact that all life must in fact cease eventually), has subtly changed his behaviour, so I’m going to attempt a Wholly Grail take on it… not on death itself, for at that moment your Grail is full as you finally and fully return back to Source, but instead on the fear of dying, of leaving those you love behind, of not quite getting done what you intended… but more importantly, holding back on starting something new just in case.

Just in case… that’s a death in itself isn’t it? You deny yourself joy just in case you can’t finish it… it’s like really wanting a big piece of chocolate fudge cake with lashings of ice cream after dinner but then not ordering for fear you can’t finish it… sod that for a game of soldiers: indulge, enjoy, savour every minute, no matter how many minutes you may or may not have left or how many spoonfuls you can demolish before your tummy screams stop!

Those you share your life with will weep, they will feel the pain of your loss, they will grieve, they will heal, and they will remember… or you can deny them that piece of chocolate cake that is you by withholding the love inside for fear that it might be soon taken away.

God is in charge of the chocolate cake and it’s portions, whatever fears you have, however justified, you just don’t know… He does (and He’s not saying).

Principle 2: I AM Detached is the art of being present, of living loving, giving, sharing… right here in this moment. No matter your age, your health, your positive or negative outlook, we’re all heading exactly the same way to exactly the same destination and this journey is simply ’til death do us part.

Your only decision is this: am I going to savour the chocolate cake while I can?

More later… (whilst I’m still here to indulge) x

It’s Inevitable

You’re going to upset some people, it’s inevitable. You cannot please all of the people all of the time… and why should you? Of course saying that, you don’t need to deliberately go out of your way to piss people off either, well at least not if you are reading this from a 5th dimensional, compassionate perspective, but here’s the thing: you want to live an empowered, fulfilling life and I’m guessing that it hasn’t always lived up to your expectations, right? Well, there’s a reason for that…

You, the old you that is, have gathered an entourage of devotees. Trust me you have! They are family, friends, neighbours, loved ones, work colleagues, the local newsagent and the kid behind the checkout at your local store to mention but a few and they have an expectation that you live up to your end of the bargain and don’t disturb the status quo. You, being that creature of habit, act a certain way, behave in certain patterns… for example, you eat the same cereal, buy and read the same newspaper and magazines, you take a predictable amount of time in the shower, even the girl on the phone at the Chinese takeaway knows in advance when and what you’re going to order… predictable see? Now this expectation of you that your devotees have become accustomed to, what happens when you change it up?

Once is a blip, twice is a phase, but three times, well now that’s a problem… and your devotees are going to go hell for leather trying to correct your course back to the familiar. It’s their comfort zone you see. “But I’ve already bought the cereal” “What do you mean your having a bath?” “The Times? Are you serious? You know there aren’t as many pictures right?” “Fruit? Are you sure you don’t want Hobnobs, they’re on offer?” Meanwhile at the local Golden Dragon, the girl on the phone’s been let go, due to lack of business… your business.

You’re going to upset some people, it’s inevitable. None of them can see this journey from your perspective, none of them are walking in your shoes or have felt your pain or heard your silent cries for help. When they can’t persuade you to revert to old patterns they will become angry with you, blame you and secretly or not-so-secretly wish for your failure… forgive them, they are acting out from their own discomfort regardless of yours.

Nobody said it would be easy becoming the greater you, but once the greater you becomes the norm, the devotees will take one of three paths: they’ll rise up and join you up there in your new personal heaven, they will look on from the side lines in quiet envy or they’ll fall by the wayside to be replaced by a whole new set of devotees… the kind who recognise a true Grail Knight when they see one, because they too have undergone the struggle to be who they are and have survived the battle for individuation.

Principles 3, 4 & 5

More later… x

 

Together We Are Blinding!

A few months ago I noticed that my personal Grail cup had sprung a leak and so I set about repairing the damage…

As a perfectionist in many areas of my life I had embraced the idea that imperfections were a great way of assessing sincerity and acceptance in others. I did this subconsciously of course, I mean why would my conscious, fully awakened self need to test people? This phenomenon occurred unbeknownst to me in every aspect of my life from my physical vessel to my home, from my work to my relationships. The problem being that the flaws I created didn’t test how others saw or accepted me but instead how I saw and accepted myself… now there’s a paradox if ever I heard one simply because when you don’t accept yourself that’s when others fail to accept you. Your flaws do not deter the fundamentally flawed, in fact they attract others to you, what repels them or creates insincerity within them is the massive leak of energy seeping from the metaphorical Grail that either washes them clean away or feeds their greed depending on the people involved.

The first kind being those who come in love, those wishing to embrace you and add to your light and the second having similar leaky vessels and so refuelling from your leak… sounds all very technical but here’s the thing: plugging up your vessel allows it to fill up and thus allows others to refuel from the overflow instead of the depleting spillage. There will still be those opportunists who drink it in, ¬†no matter: there is plenty more where that came from; there will still be those who get washed away, frightened by the light, no matter: God will find them a safe shore upon which to rest before finding there energetic match; but then there is a third type of perfectly imperfect partner in crime… I’ve have lots of those thankfully, they are the ones whose imperfections make them shine just as brightly as mine do me and together we are blinding!

If you want to plug your leak, if you want to allow others to see and accept you just as you are all you have to do is love yourself unconditionally, not in spite of your imperfections but because of them… you’ll probably find that many of them disappear anyway once you no longer feel the need to test people.

Principle 1: I AM God (therefore perfect)

Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted (therefore the imperfections are perfect too)!

More later… x

Redress The Discord

The entire movement of the universe is motivated by growth and instructed by balance, you’re no different. The macrocosmic experience is mirrored by the microcosm in ever aspect of existence. This being the case it stands to reason that all our relationships are built on these two concepts too.

Over the last few days I’ve been investing my time in assessing the areas of my life that are out of balance, knowing full well that the point of balance is where the Grail is at its fullest and most evident in our lives… I’ve been investigating where my health is out of balance, where my finances are out of balance, where my focus and working life is out of balance and of course where my relationships are out of balance… but how do you know when your relationships are out of balance?

Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted is an interesting concept because at its most basic it means allowing everything and everyone to enter and leave your life without it diminishing your love for them, this encompasses other Principles: those of detachment and liberation, but there is another much more elusive aspect to being Open-Hearted and that is the ability to allow yourself to give and receive in equal measure.

Allowing yourself to be compensated for expenditure of energy is a vital component in maintaining personal balance and nowhere are we more drained than by unbalanced relationships. Ask yourself: Am I getting as much as I’m giving? This is by no means a mercenary attitude and requires careful consideration as you may, upon deeper inspection, find that the universe is rewarding you from another source allowing you to continue to serve. The best way to understand how balanced a relationship is, is to observe the feeling going on within your own solar plexus each time you think about the other person involved… describe this feeling to yourself and if it’s unpleasant then maybe its time to either redress the discord or to cut loose completely…

Now if the membership section of the site were up and running today, Grail Knights would be able to access a Karmic Assessment Exercise to see how balanced their relationships are…

…but as its not available yet I’ll have to leave you to your own devices… it’s coming soon.

More later… x

The Pregnant Pause

Grail Oracle 2Grail Oracle Orange

It was inevitable really, if I continued to do a weekly reading, choosing combinations at random, it stands to reason that sooner or later a set would repeat. Far be it from me though, to assume that the energy flowing through this combination at this time and at this point along the path would be the same as it was just a few short weeks ago when Principle 2: I AM Detached married the bright orange of the sacral chakra in The Absent Intimate.

Imagine then for a moment, one of those huge stately homes that are liberally scattered around Britain. For some odd reason in days of old, architects thought it prudent to have one room leading straight into the next in a succession of opulent displays of wealth… Nobody seemed to give a damn about the fact that you might have to walk through someone else’s bedroom to get to your own, or what horrors you might have to witness on the journey through. The image I’d like you to conjur up in your mind though, is that of the impressive heavy doors that separated each of these opulent spaces… I’ve visited a few myself and I always find it amusing that between each room is a wall so thick that it must shave at least 3ft off the dimensions of the space, and that each doorway has two doors: one leading from the room you’re in and one leading into the room you’re entering! No corridor, just a huge dark space between doors… A place of pure nothingness and seeming pointlessness.

As you pass through one door but before you pass through the second you are neither in one room nor the other, neither one state nor the other… Now imagine if door number one had closed behind you but door two had not yet opened? You’d be standing in the void between states, right?

The Pregnant Pause is that moment of standing on the thresholod and understanding that where you stand is the only place you can be for now and that although you may believe you know what lies beyond the next door, the truth is that until it has been opened you can assume nothing. You must wait here in silent prayer, in acknowledgement of the gravity of your next step and the new beginning that awaits.

The sacral chakra holds the energy of intimacy and of interconnected relationships and its worth noting that the pause at this point is due to you having given over the next move on the chess board to another player. Don’t assume you know this game… don’t assume your partner will be playing by the same rules that you are or that they will play fair… don’t assume that your partner even understands the game or the rules by which you are playing… the only thing that is sure is that the invitation to the negotiation has been sent, you have bravely stepped through your door and now you must wait here for the door to the next room to be opened by your counterpart.

This is a really nice place to sit and wait.

More next week… x

Huge Game of Charades

Life can be pretty confusing. You don’t understand what people do, say and feel, and the truth is you’re not meant to. It’s like being a part of a huge game of charades where the rules haven’t been explained to you… Did you guess right? Is it your turn? This guessing game of human interaction is intensified by your own feelings and insecurities, your history and experience and compounded further by a small almond sized part of the brain called the amygdala. This little gem stores information about historical triggers… when this set of circumstances (or at least the feelings and apparent emotions) occurred last time, what did I do? How did I escape the threat? How did I overcome? The problem is, this little life saver is constantly on autopilot and doesn’t know how to analyse new data (yet), it has a pre recorded flight pattern with no alternative route and it rarely waits to see if the other plane you are on a collision course with will take ¬†evasive manoeuvres thus avoiding the crash… it acts on programming.

What if you’re wrong?

Like I said, life is confusing. At this point in the game you are going with what you think you know, but a wise man/woman knows he/she knows nothing and its that state of innocence that allows us to learn and to experience new life and new love.

Sure, your amygdala is a self preservation mechanism, but it’s constantly set to historical reference; being present, observant, open in the moment hands-down beats what happened last time simply because there is missing information, and people have a habit of surprising you.

Principle 2 of The Wholly Grail states I AM Detached, it means I’m present, I’m open to something new, no expectations, just an appreciation of what’s directly in front of me. I’m taking the world at face value like a child free of prior conditioning. Today, give your life-saving almond the day off when it comes to inter human relations, assume a clean sheet and allow the world to surprise you. You don’t need to react… breathe, absorb, think, respond.

Before you respond, ask yourself “what would love do?”

More later… x

(Look out for the link coming in just a few days to lead you further into the Grail).

To be so Naked

On the first Monday of every month I like to set my fellow Grail Knights a challenge, after all that’s what a quest is: a series of challenges to be overcome that when read as a story, your life story in this case, create an epic adventure. Of course you don’t need me to set you challenges as they come fairly thick and fast in their own right. Challenge promotes creativity.

Creative solutions are the product of an open, free mind and that’s what I’m challenging you with today. I’ve found myself conforming to certain beliefs, certain ways of thinking about my own life and the people within it, ways of communicating and understanding each other. We all do it, we become accustomed to routine, but I suddenly realised yesterday that the information I was absorbing from the personal messages I receive from those near and dear may not be what I think they are, in fact they may not have even been aimed at me in the first place!

We love to jump to conclusions as communication is far from an exact science… we all know that what’s being said is only about 10% of the message and the rest is hidden in subtext, how it’s said, what didn’t get said etc. It’s all a bit complicated really, not to mention confusing, so here’s the thing: not just for today but for the whole of February, now that Mercury is direct and we can no longer blame it’s retrograde manoeuvres for our inability to make ourselves understood, I challenge you to find a creative solution to the multitude of ways in which you miscommunicate your intent and allow your truth to be up front and in full view.

It takes a very brave and very special kind of Grail Knight to be so naked and vulnerable but Principle 4: I AM Truth is your guide and friend.

More later… x