Tag Archives: Opinion

Appreciation Is Far More Empowering

Right and wrong are concepts that fall within the realms of what is considered socially acceptable, but sometimes being told you have been a bad or good girl/boy has nothing to do with majority consensus and is in fact a patronising attempt by one or more individuals to control another.

Do you fall under the title of people pleaser?

This in itself may sound patronising but I just had the misfortune to witness a crap tv show (which I should have turned off but it’s what I call car crash television: it’s a travesty but you can’t look away) in which a beautiful Golden Retriever was the co-star of the show. The number of times the main character said “good boy” whilst scratching that cute pooch’s ears was worthy of the scriptwriter being handed his or her cards… but that’s not the point…

That dog was so happy to be told he was a good boy just because he knew how to fetch.

As its Monday, many of you will be facing situations, perhaps in work, where someone appears to have all the power… ¬†how people handle power is an amazing insight into their personalities. Treating people how you want to be treated is key to building mutual respectful relationships, so before you praise someone think how you do it… its far more likely to be well received if you simply express appreciation or gratitude for the actions they have taken rather than an opinion on whether it was good or bad. Appreciation is far more empowering than approval.

So if you answered yes to the “are you a people pleaser?” question, then the chances are you are waiting with bated breath for any ounce of approval… this is a sign you’ve given your power away. Don’t despair, it’s easy enough to take it back. I have a face for that… it usually involves raised eyebrows slightly furrowed in the middle. I developed the face as a team member and then manager of a large team of employees. People get the face once and they don’t make that mistake again.

Principle 4: I AM Truth, takes courage and a good sense of who you are without the need for fitting into the good graces of others and usually requires you to let go of your fear of disappointing someone and what you might lose as a result.

Now be a good girl/boy and leave me some feedback.

Or

I’d appreciate your feedback on this post…

Which feels better?

You have the power to decide.

More later… x

Carefully Constructed Criticism

I found myself pondering the idea of teaching. More precisely, the teaching of spiritual truths. Of course that’s what I attempt to do in all my work whether it is serious, light hearted, straightforward or wrapped up in a fantastical tale, spiritual truth is ever at its heart. Indeed the seven Principles of The Wholly Grail are always hidden within the text and have become the framework for my philosophy about attaining a state of equilibrium and inner peace in an ever increasingly stressful world.

The Wholly Grail is not an ancient philosophy, it’s a new package for an old one (as old as the search for the Holy Grail may be, stretching back far beyond our misconceptions of its origins). It was never a mystical cup. It predates legends of High Kings of England and his loyal chivalrous knights. The Holy Grail and now The Wholly Grail has ever been man’s (and woman’s) search to find him/herself through knowing God, or if you like: the search for God through knowing him/herself. It’s the same outcome.

This teaching thing though, it meets with opposition. There are those who don’t like the method, there are those who don’t like the message, and if you decide this life is for you, you have to understand that there will be times when those that came before you will attempt to discredit your work. Sometimes it feels personal, wrapped up in carefully concealed criticism so ingeniously crafted that you may actually be unsure of whether or not you’ve just been insulted by an ancient quote from a long dead predecessor of a similar profession and sometimes it’s not about you or your work at all.

People’s opinions are never actually about you. Opinions are simply that. Though they may constitute what feels true for the person expressing them, they certainly don’t need to be absorbed as your truth too. Don’t feel you need to take it on board at all, don’t rise to it, to justify it and don’t crumble under it. Let them have their say… then keep on being you. Keep on contributing. I know I intend to.

No matter how flowery the narrative, the centre of the message is always one of love… love for oneself, love for one’s fellow knights on the path (a group to which even the critics belong), love of life and this beautiful playground we were given to enact the process upon… and of course the love of God or whatever you choose to call the overarching presence to which we all belong.

There are one or two Principles hidden in here, see if you can spot them.

More later… x

 

The Third Hurdle – Unravelling Authenticity

Over the last couple of posts we shed light on the fallacy that is time and uncovered blame’s hold over forgiveness. Today let’s look at the truth.

The search for approval is a battle that is seldom won without some form of compromise or radical transformation through learning, it is a search that often tramples over authenticity.

Embracing your own personal truth can be a scary prospect when it sets you up in opposition to the truth of another… without faith in your place on the path, your connection to the God force flowing through you, this apparently irreconcilable difference of opinion or point of view will cause you to question what you hold dear and even question your sanity at times. The first thing you have to embrace is the discomfort… don’t automatically assume that someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong… if only the universe was quite so black and white.

Authenticity is holding the faith with what you know to be true whilst allowing room for growth through new learning. It’s not about being right it’s about being faithful. Have I used the word faithful enough? Who are you dishonouring by allowing your position to be toppled by a loud voice or a heavy hand? Only yourself and God, after all you are God remember? God lives in your faith, and driving a wedge between you and what you instinctively know to be true to your heart (between God and your heart) for the sake of fitting in, being liked or pleasing someone else will ultimately lead to separation… which if you have paid attention to the last couple of posts is the same as low self-worth, separation from God/Yourself will lead to resentment which in turn will lead to separation from the very person or people that you compromised your truth to remain attached to… sad turn of events that what you traded for, you ultimately lost. Is it worth it?

Authenticity has little to do with winning (sounds familiar), it has nothing to do with oppression of free will, it has everything to do with celebrating difference, variety, and in some cases even uncertainty. Uncertainty leads to invention and invention to evolution… growth.

But we feel the need to be heard, don’t we? God hears you, he witnesses your position and can clearly define the journey you undertook to reach your current state of understanding and from His/Your perspective all is as it should be but God walked the path with everyone else too and their positions, though different from yours are just as perfect in their conclusions as yours are.

When you expect approval from any external source, you set yourself up for disappointment and rejection. This is not an indication that your truth is wrong, it is proof that your audience already has a truth of its own and either it is not yet ready to hear, or it is not open to embrace something new.

Listen with respect to opinions of others but recognise that true wisdom leads you home to God… if it feels like leaving yourself behind, let it go.

The third hurdle – unravelling authenticity, is simply about communicating dispassionately, without holding any attachment to how you are being perceived… don’t go changing!

Principle 4: I AM Truth

Look out for The Fourth Hurdle next week and in the meantime I’ll be back tomorrow with a free reading from The Intuitive Chalice Oracle… x

Do What You Must

Whatever will people think?

I’ve heard this phrase so many times that from a young age I believed it was the reason to do everything or not to do anything. Since I began my own journey into the Grail however, I’ve stopped to re-evaluate some of these repetitive negative mantras that we inadvertently pick up from generation to generation assuming that they constitute some unwritten law by which we must abide.

Whatever will people think really is no business of mine and as such I really shouldn’t be making any decisions based on this faulty set of criteria.

What do I think? What do I believe? What inspires me? What do I want? What will bring me the greatest pleasure?

Of course, in doing something wholly because it feels right for you, is no excuse for deliberately hurting or offending another but what this always boils down to is intention… if doing it your way is counter to the wishes of another ask yourself this: “Am I doing this to be deliberately contrary or am I choosing this path because it’s genuinely the right one for me?” If you answer the former, stop right now and do some deep exploration as to what part of you is trying to punish the other. If however, the latter is your honest answer then you only have one choice if you are to act out of love and not fear… you must do what you must and risk that whoever you defy will understand your integrity in choosing to walk a trail that has not yet shown its treasure to them.

Principle 4: I AM Truth, is only possible when you put aside what others may think and become the powerful co-creator of your own life, trusting that God has got your back.

More later… x