Tag Archives: Mortality

I’ve Reached My Limit

I’ve been thinking a lot about priorities of late and more specifically what mine are, and then out of the blue at about 1.30 this morning I had a moment of sudden clarity that I’d had everything upside down…

It sometimes takes an emergency to help you re-evaluate your plans for the future and where you yourself fit into them, what you’re willing to accept and where your boundaries truly are. The last two days have been a bit of a whirlwind albeit a short-lived one that have seen the foundation’s of my own reality get a little shaken like the proverbial tower in the tarot deck… luckily the tower didn’t fall this time but it’s only a matter of time before it does… Life is so very precious… love is a gift… family is everything.

My priorities have had me testing the strength of my roots and calculating what I was prepared to give up for something apparently greater for quite some time and I know now what the answer is…

Have you every been in a position where you have had to choose one way of life over another, one person over another, one location over another? I’ve been freeing myself up from all my ties and anchors for years in order to make that choice an easy one but in the early hours of the morning I realised something… I don’t want to. There is something in my current life that I love so very dearly that to leave would be the end of who I truly am… that’s not to say that there isn’t a place for my dreams to arrive and set up camp here, I’ve left the door open and made a space, in my life, in my heart, in my schedule and even in my home to create something amazing, but right here has something for me that the rest of the world is missing and until the inevitable day that she no longer exists in physical form… I’m home.

When you evaluate what’s really true for you, start by focusing on what you already have that you love before you ponder what you haven’t yet got that you would like… that new thing will come with needs, boundaries and conditions… make sure you don’t give up yours to achieve it… your dreams may have to be malleable to accommodate what already exists in your reality. I always ask “What are you prepared to give up?” Well, I’ve reached my limit. Nothing more for now… I’ve been accommodating enough and now it’s someone else’s turn to do the compromising and meet me half way.

Principle 1: I AM God (and I matter)

Principle 2: I AM Detached (and what’s present is what’s important)

Principle 4: I AM Truth (and I won’t ignore what’s true for me now)

Principle 5: I AM Self-Full (and this is what I need).

Priorities change… forgive me if I move you down the list… though you are pretty high up there, the only person at the top… is me.

More later… x

‘Til Death Do Us Part

Now here’s a subject I don’t broach very often…

A beautiful friend of mine has become obsessed with his own mortality. He must mention it at least twice a week by slipping it in to an otherwise jovial interaction. I’m not sure if he is intending me to notice or if he has even noticed himself, but this underlying fear of his own mortal end (though he will insist that he has reconciled with the fact that all life must in fact cease eventually), has subtly changed his behaviour, so I’m going to attempt a Wholly Grail take on it… not on death itself, for at that moment your Grail is full as you finally and fully return back to Source, but instead on the fear of dying, of leaving those you love behind, of not quite getting done what you intended… but more importantly, holding back on starting something new just in case.

Just in case… that’s a death in itself isn’t it? You deny yourself joy just in case you can’t finish it… it’s like really wanting a big piece of chocolate fudge cake with lashings of ice cream after dinner but then not ordering for fear you can’t finish it… sod that for a game of soldiers: indulge, enjoy, savour every minute, no matter how many minutes you may or may not have left or how many spoonfuls you can demolish before your tummy screams stop!

Those you share your life with will weep, they will feel the pain of your loss, they will grieve, they will heal, and they will remember… or you can deny them that piece of chocolate cake that is you by withholding the love inside for fear that it might be soon taken away.

God is in charge of the chocolate cake and it’s portions, whatever fears you have, however justified, you just don’t know… He does (and He’s not saying).

Principle 2: I AM Detached is the art of being present, of living loving, giving, sharing… right here in this moment. No matter your age, your health, your positive or negative outlook, we’re all heading exactly the same way to exactly the same destination and this journey is simply ’til death do us part.

Your only decision is this: am I going to savour the chocolate cake while I can?

More later… (whilst I’m still here to indulge) x