Tag Archives: Liberation

Fighting With The Fear Of Freedom

Years ago, weary and jaded by the corporate grind, downtrodden by the internal politics of the all-too-familiar company dynamic, unable to affect real change for myself or my employees even as a senior manager, I decided that the only logical course of action open to me that didn’t mean me collapsing into another cycle of blind apathy was to quit.

Scary shit man! I mean, walking away from the stability of a decent salary at the height of a countrywide recession when you have a mortgage to pay and no clue what to do next…

That was beginning of my placing my full trust in the universe to guide me, the start of my spiritual adventure and the unification of my everyday material life with my soul’s direction for me. I’m not going to tell you I wasn’t terrified about being income-less and dependant on my then husband’s meagre wage, but the truth was that the moment I walked out of the front door of that multi-million pound personal prison, the relief I felt melted away all the fear of lack and was replaced by sheer determination.

My first task was to decide where life was going to take me next…

That’s the crux of this story… I had to decide.

Freedom is the scariest place on Earth if you have spent your life following someone else’s rules, policies, timetables, agendas… basically towing the company line. For the first time you stand there and go: what do I do? Which way do I go? God, what is my purpose?

You are so used to having your life mapped out that you panic and latch on to the first guru that seems to have got it all together, or the family member or friend that says “do this,” or “do that.”

That very voice that had you break out of the gilded cage though, will rise up within you and scream “You lead the way. We fought for the right to choose our own path now don’t give it away!”

But you’re so used to being told what to do… and now you’re fighting with the fear of freedom. The fear stems from deep within where you have yet to understand the power of responsibility, that place where you only have yourself to blame… and once you understand that blame is a redundant emotion wrapped up in judgement and self-criticism, you can swap it out for self-appreciation that regardless of whether you succeed or lose, you took the reins of the chariot and began blazing a trail of your own into the wilds of who knows where…

And when you ask God what your purpose is, He simply smiles knowing that He didn’t have to say a word for you to find it… to find you… to find freedom the moment you decided to choose for yourself.

If you are completely lost for a direction to choose then try this affirmation instead of letting someone else choose:

“God bring me a multitude of exciting opportunities today that I may sample, and choose for myself whichever brings me passion.”

Principle 1, 3, 4, 5 and 6 (that’s a whole lot of Principles!)

More later… x

 

New Life Begins With Death

Easter is almost upon us and I may be a little early but it feels right to me to be talking about new beginnings.

I began this year with an intention to create a life I didn’t feel the need to escape from, a life filled with joy and peace and love, that didn’t require a vacation to recover from it’s stresses however many times a year. I set off by announcing to my friends, especially the ones I usually travel with, that this year I wasn’t booking anything… not because I don’t intend to travel but because I feel the need to reconsider my reasons for doing so… I’m creating a life that’s built on discovery rather than escape, a life where I run to, not from.

In order to create this, which you must understand is quite an undertaking from where I was to where I want to be, I needed to take this year to stand and face those things I spent years attempting to escape, mostly though, I needed to face myself, my fears and my false assumptions about who I am.

The oracle at the weekend was all about owning who you are, what you want, and your expectations. It embraced Principle 5: I AM Liberated, which is focused primarily on freedom from material attachments but is more importantly about the stuff that you grip onto causing you to miss out on the stuff you really want.

New life begins with death. If you dream of being something different then you must let die who you were. If you dream of financial abundance then you must let die the things that drain your flow of abundance, if you dream of the perfect relationship then you must let die the dysfunctional connections that stand in your way, if you dream of amazing health and vitality then you must let die the counter-productive habits that thwart your progress, and if you want the perfect career that inspires you everyday to be creative and have fun, then you must let die the small self and step into your purpose.

I’m making real progress. Will I be done within a year? Does it matter? Creating a perfect life is a lifelong project, like I said, I don’t need to escape from the process because the process of creation is the process of living the perfect life.

Let the old you die, she’s served her time. Your new life is already here.

More later… x

 

Saturday Oracle – Wearing Shadow Shackles

It’s all in the mind.

As you wander, almost furiously into this week, searching for an escape from the restrictions imposed upon you by your own confusion, there’s a danger of becoming further enmeshed in the internal drama.

When Principle 5: I AM Liberated meets the inky brow chakra then you are wearing shadow shackles that have no real substance except in your imagination which has cornered you with your own fear.

This is a powerful week, combining a new moon and the Chinese New Year and you are putting yourself under immense pressure to do something, anything in fact, but the urgency is an illusion and you would do well to ride out the storm happening inside your head and wait for new information to arrive.

Don’t be rushed into taking premature action that you might regret later and moreover, if you are waiting for someone else to act first then give them more time… you have no idea what they are dealing with and you know they will come through for you in the end.

Principle 5 is grounded in the material and the physical things that appear to keep us trapped, but this is a precarious transition where you are quite likely to throw the baby out with the bath water in an effort to free yourself from what was actually nothing more than your faulty perception.

Time out folks, rest, relax… take a vacation if it’s possible but most of all go within and contemplate what constitutes true freedom before you sell off the family silver or walk away from your hard won career.

Ask for help from someone you trust who isn’t invested in the outcome to help you get clarity… and give the rest to God. He’s got a handle on the whole theatrical set up and will dispatch angels to show you the way the minute you stop playing the impending disaster movie inside your visual cortex and surrender… you’re ok, it’s all in the mind.

More next week… x

 

First Monday Challenge – To What Degree?

The Wholly Grail Principle I discuss least of all is Principle 5: I AM Liberated. This part of the Grail is associated with unburdening yourself from the excess material baggage that ends up imprisoning you into unhealthy routines such as working long hours or retaining stressful employment positions or other unfulfilling roles to maintain a lifestyle that, as a result you either don’t have time for or are otherwise too tired to enjoy… but this month as a bit of a challenge for this the first Monday of October, I’d like you to investigate the idea of time as a basis for liberating yourself.

Imagine for a moment that you were completely free… liberated… no plans… no commitments, what would you do, be, have, create or become?

It’s an overwhelming exercise for those of you who are used to being busy but I’m not asking you to be lazy, I’m not asking you to sit idle, I’m asking you to imagine and dream what life could be if you were free of the things you have to do to have the things you own.

Now don’t get confused here thinking I’m promoting vagrancy, or suggesting giving it all away like philanthropy on a never-before known scale, there are obviously things that we all need: basic shelter, food, clothing, relative safety, and companionship for example but to what degree?

Your challenge is to tally up the cost in time spent, opportunities lost, liaisons missed, smiles withheld, joyful moments unexperienced, memories never created… simply because you were busy maintaining the glitter.

I hope you find a moment in your schedule to reflect.

More later… x

Saturday Oracle – Devoid of All Chattels

Grail Oracle 5Grail Oracle Blue

Imagine for a moment that you were devoid of all chattels… all earthly possessions, status, history, etc. Who would you be?

As the effects of yesterday’s eclipsed full moon in pieces drift away we still have a few days left in Mercury’s retrograde grip before the tight hold on our communicative skills is lifted… but before that happens you are being given a rare opportunity…

Now is the time to say what needs saying, no holds barred, allowing your words to be guided, not by need, or by results, or the expectation that they will pay dividends but because it’s been held within you for fear of loss for so long.

I’m not suggesting for a moment that words don’t have consequences, indeed they are mightier than the proverbial sword, the consequences are not yet written but the result of withholding is and has been all too evident.

Principle 5: I AM Liberated, combined with the royal blue of the throat chakra is charging your oracle this week with final stages of the portal to set yourself free.

Speak with compassion and don’t be afraid of what you might lose, you have far more to gain in your honesty, knowing that what comes was made by your magic and what stays was always meant to be yours. Belongs and status have nothing to do with humanity or wisdom… you matter, as do your thoughts and feelings.

More next week… x

Blood, Sweat and Tears

I started the week processing subconscious emotional discomfort in various forms of negative traits rising to the surface through my dreams. Dreams are amazing things because they allow you to work through the deeper aspects of the psyche which in a waking state you are perhaps unaware of. The energy it takes to withhold information from your conscious self is incredibly draining and may contribute to an indefinable sense of fatigue, both physical and emotional, rendering you joyless and lacking in vitality without you knowing exactly what the cause is. That being said, exploring and interpreting dream recall is an excellent way through to self healing… but I didn’t want to talk about that today, it was the other aspect of my last post that I wanted to dive into a little deeper: loss and liberation.

Imagine for a moment standing on top of a hill under a solitary tree with a path running down each side. In one direction you would be heading back down the way you came and the other sliding into a brand new adventure… now, are you standing with a red spotted hanky tied to the end of a stick holding the sum of your knowledge or are you standing beside a pile of suitcases and boxes?

Did I mention it’s a long road, you have no transport other than your wits and your ability to make friends along the path? You could always gamble that your new friends won’t mind carrying your baggage with you…

Liberation is about lightening the load, the tree is about strength, longevity, patience and fruitfulness, and it represents shelter and safety; the road offers a choice to go back, to stay put or to explore, and the baggage… well that represents how easy your choice is going to be.

Letting go of the baggage has to be a choice and some times it’s a painful one, especially when you’ve worked so hard and invested so much in terms of time, energy and resources to achieve it: blood, sweat and tears I believe the term is.

When you invest, invest in experience. Experience creates knowledge, wisdom and memories… and they all fit in your red spotted hanky. it’s time to ditch some of the stuff you can’t carry. If you cannot picture what part it plays in your intended new life, let It go.

Principle 5: I AM Liberated.

More later… x

End of The Blame Table

Having just awoken from a particularly violent dream and still feeling a little shaken by the apparent underlying emotion of anger that must exist within me in order to allow my subconscious to enact such visions of potential rage, I’m intent on unravelling a part of The Grail that on some level I have yet to reconcile with.

I AM Liberated. It seems a ludicrous statement after my opening sentences but as “I AM” gives a command to the universe, if you use the term often enough according to the laws of the universe you become what you constantly attest to be.

Principle 5, in this case disturbing my sleep, is about letting go of things that are no longer meant to be a part of ones journey. When somebody or something leaves of its own accord, my ability to let go is what’s known as an open door policy, you come, you go, you stay a while or you don’t, I grieve, I move on. What happens though when that thing or person is taken away?

Blame is a horrific sentiment and was the route cause of my bad dream so that’s where I’m starting my cleansing process today and I’m starting with the ultimate detergent: Principle 3: I AM Human. Principle 3 embraces the art of forgiveness and in this case it’s me that I need to forgive, firstly for the underlying capacity to hold such darkness as all human beings do and secondly because the questions like “Did I do the right thing?” “Should I have fought harder for what was mine?” “Did I let down someone or something that needed me?” These questions are all punishments that I don’t need to endure and whoever sits at the other end of the blame table has a unique perspective of human need and naivety that warrants the same level of forgiveness.

So on that note, today I wish you a day of self-forgiveness, liberation and peace. May you be blessed inside your own Grail.

More later… x

Finally Slay The Hydra

Do you jump from one impossible situation to the next with what seems like a relatively short period of respite between crises? It’s the first Monday of the month upon which it has become my custom to furnish you with a Grail challenge… just because life isn’t challenging enough.

Today’s challenge takes Principle 5: I AM Liberated and Principle 6: I AM Self-Full to provide you with the scope to overcome the constant onslaught of another thing to deal with.

Behind the 7 Principles for inner peace that The Wholly Grail rests its philosophy upon are several Grail Mechanics, one of which is known as The Hydra… Though a mythical beast and no physical evidence has been found outside of Hollywood to suggest it’s origins are anything but legend, it does serve as a perfect analogy for the recurring themes that occur in your life… you cut off one head and two more grow in its place.

So why the 2 Principles I’ve chosen to finally slay The Hydra?

Its human nature, especially when faced with an emergency, to solve the short term issue or deal only with the immediate threat. Long term thinking is relegated to the “for another time” box whilst calm is restored and there is space to format a plan… but… when there is calm we forget to deal with what now doesn’t seem like a problem as all is quiet on the western front. The very next time we think to address the issue is when the problem resurfaces and slaps us in the face with another crisis. Too late and we’re back under threat from a much more ferocious multi-headed, how-do-you-kill-it-for-good problem.

Principle 5 is focused on letting you out of your own personal prison, not by increasing karmic debt but by reducing it. Principle 6 asks you to put your own needs first but in this case the two together demand a slower, more researched, considered response. You do not need to react to a crisis with immediate knee-jerk solutions, so the challenge today is to back off, take a breath and a pen and piece of paper and start constructing a plan. Let the plan contain a short term negotiation, a mid term review and the long term solution… fix it quick schemes are only short term relief ‘day release’ passes and you are aiming for freedom from threat and persecution – permanently!

You are a Grail Knight on a hero’s journey and no knight ever went into battle without first studying his opponent and formulating a plan.

We’ve tried plan A: “One disaster at a time!”

We’ve tried plan B: “Shut up we’re winging it!”

Plan C is: “I AM competent, I AM considered and I AM ready to clean up my mess.”

Good luck.

More later… x