Tag Archives: Letting Go

She Served Me Well, Now Let Her Die

Interesting title for a Monday morning don’t you think? This is a concept that last week became so clear to me, almost in stark contrast to the understanding I’ve integrated through years of self-discovery, but it’s an all-over liberating feeling.

Who I have been, where I have been, what I have done and achieved or not achieved, that version on of me no longer exists… she served me well, now let her die.

Nobody panic. I’m not about to shuffle off the mortal coil (at least I hope not). This simple statement is a testament to an even simpler truth: I’ve evolved.

We mostly begin new situations with a resume or curriculum vitae of what entitles you to be here, as if breathing requires justification or certification of competence but in so reciting your life experience you dwell on past manifestations of yourself and you quite frankly can’t be that person again. It’s like attempting to fill a glass from a fast flowing river with the exact same water twice… once it’s passed you by its gone forever.

Letting the old self die is a celebration of growth not a thing to be mourned. You have been gifted with knowledge and wisdom, skills and life hacks as a result of the experiences you have traversed, but if you are looking now to experience a new set of circumstances in your life then you simply cannot keep telling the old story of you.

Today was created from yesterday, if you keep repeating yesterday’s story then tomorrow will look exactly like today. That’s terrific if today is exactly what you hoped your life would look like but after a while stagnation will ruin even your most precious dream…

Just like the fast flowing river we are meant to flow to the ocean, which then evaporates and makes clouds, which fall as rain and start a new cycle all over again. The fresh rain doesn’t keep banging on about what happened when it used to be the vast ocean and the ocean appreciates but never mentions the rain.

Who you are today needs no excuses, no justification, no preamble… let your innate kindness, light and loving heart speak for itself. Let your wit and wisdom keep pace with the pack… a history can be exaggerated but a genuine intent always finds its place.

She served me well, now let her die.

Principles 2 and 4.

More later… x

Taking The Path Of Least Resistance

It’s more important than anything else that you might do, to do it because it makes you happy. Now the fact that we often surround ourselves with details that come with obligations, people that come with agendas, wants and needs that come with conditions etc, makes finding that joy a little more difficult because it’s obscured by superfluous stuff.

Let’s say for instance that you fall in love… that’s a biggy isn’t it? We imagine that love will make us happy don’t we? Supposing though, that the person you fall in love with turns out to be exactly what people warned you about and that your rose tinted, see-the-best-in-everyone-especially-the-romantic-interest glasses, have finally been removed… what action now will make you happiest?

Let’s make the scenario even more complicated: what if the romantic interest was heavily into playing games of hide and seek, which you suspect are more about his emotional insecurity and the fact that he’s got a history of failed relationships behind him than the outward appearance of him just being an abusive narcissist with a god complex, and what if after remembering that his prey (you) is not a pathological masochist, but in fact someone who deserves to be treated with gentleness and respect, what if he suddenly began the seeking process again and all traces of the monster were stored away for the next time he got scared? What would make you happy now?

Love doesn’t go away but like all energy it has the capacity to transform.

Taking the path of least resistance is not always clear because choosing joy now can lead to pain later if you are not vigilant. In our scenario it’s worth noting that reaching out, though forgiveness releases all parties from lower vibrations like resentment and bitterness, allowing the hidden monster back into your life just because he smiles and says please (or not), wouldn’t be an act of forgiveness it would be an act of stupidity. You can respect a shark and still know to keep out of the sea where it’s swimming.

So let’s take a look at the real path of least resistance. Abstinence now can lead to joy later. Finding happiness in abstinence, through acceptance of your own strength and self-love, rather than from the temporary relief from grieving that reconnecting might bring, leads to celebration… achieving the things you put on hold whilst neck deep in the drama leads to more happiness still.

We mostly search for relief from a lack of understanding by asking “why?” “Why did you do that?” or whatever, “Why me?” or “Why won’t you give up?” is a good one, but ultimately none of those questions will change anything. Accept where you are, let go of what has proven over and over again to be painful and unhealthy and walk away… set both of you free… you don’t need to save the next woman from the monster, that’s her lesson to learn… save yourself, trust me you can’t save him, he doesn’t believe the monster exists.

My mum once told me that monsters weren’t real. Now I know the truth: every little boy and girl contains the capacity to become a monster or to become a Grail Knight that knows better than to engage in a contest with the ones that were so damaged that the monster had no choice but evolve to protect them.

My path of least resistance is to send real love to my ex monster from a safe distance, to send healing and understanding to a damaged little boy, but to cut off all methods of contact and flow towards my own happiness… happiness that doesn’t depend on him or on knowing why.

A very personal post today, I know. I hope it inspires at least one of you to find another way that doesn’t depend on abusive relationships.

More later… x

Can You Care Too Much?

Monday’s feel like a good day to explore further the message that the weekend’s oracle provides for the days ahead, so hang with me to unlock the reason why the truth is so difficult. Ask yourself: can you care too much?

Truth was big on the agenda in Saturday’s reading and it strikes me that we all manage to hide absolute truth behind a wall built of fear. Fear of being seen as less than we pretend to portray, fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment etc. but mostly this fear is an unconscious pattern that until explored remains a faceless feeling of unease that is squashed down and hidden in the closet by a lie, an exaggeration, an embellishment or an omission. The truth, we believe, will expose us and make us vulnerable.

The answer is that yes, we can care too much. But about what?

Outcomes, certainty and prediction, all the reasons we read oracles, see psychics and send ourselves half insane is to do with the human ego’s attempt to pin down the future, to be sure. “If I do A will it lead me to Z?”

But what happens when you stop caring?

When you disconnect from the need to know where all this is leading and detach from the destination (so much as to simply allow Source to lead you into whatever happens next with an open mind and an open heart), you put your inner gremlins back to bed because they have nothing left to protect you from. For example: when you give up the need for someone to like you or agree with you because you’re no longer invested in anything but the well-being of all parties, suddenly you open up a window for honest communication. Offending someone is no longer an obstacle because the primary objective becomes understanding, which can only come from genuine listening in equal measure to authentic speech… two way dialogue.

Imagine how different your conversations would be during your workday if you weren’t subconsciously sabotaging yourself and fudging reality because you were afraid your boss might not like you, or your colleagues might not invite you to the after work get-together.

Detach from your hidden agendas today by being ruthlessly honest with yourself first about what you are really withholding the truth for, and who from?… maybe it’s you?

Wholly Grail Principle 2: I AM Detached.

More later… x

Monday Miracle – A Dream In The Making

I want you to know that you are not alone.

The last week or so has for many been a turbulent one. The universe has thrown everything it can your way to awaken you to the possibilities of a new way of being, but you cannot bring the old you along on the next part of the adventure. Let her (or him) die a metaphorical death so that you may be born anew.

It’s an anxious time, birth, but that’s what you are going through… maybe you’re bringing something forth in the external world like a new project, career, relationship or even an actual baby, but essentially the hidden miracle is that you are the very thing that you are giving birth to. Whatever is being created is creating a new version of you. Make no mistake that you will be changed forever.

There are cords, threads, hooks and chains all keeping you shackled to that old familiar version of yourself… some look like friends, family, old loves, habits both good and bad, fully invested in the previous incarnation that is attempting to return to stardust, reforming into a lighter, brighter more natural replacement. They won’t let go of what they know easily, she (he) could be depended upon to act a certain way, follow a certain pattern, be cajoled or controlled into what they needed regardless of how you felt or what you needed from her (him). I know you’re afraid. You too have come to have certain expectations of how life should be, what you are worth and whether this is your lot. You know this place. It’s safe. But it’s also stifling, restricted and painful…. let her die.

You are not alone.

The end of a karmic cycle is upon you and as unmapped as the onward path may be, you will be walking it with other intrepid souls who won’t let you fall.

This Monday Miracle is a dream in the making… feel out those old attachments, threads and chains and decide which ones bring joy, which bring sorrow, sadness and fear, choose to feed the joyful connections as you are reborn into the light and as you turn from the darkness all else will simply fade away.

This is the true you, your authentic self… and she (he) is magnificent.

Principle 1: I AM God, Principle 4: I AM Truth

More later… x

A Warrior’s Determination

Blame is the most disempowering action I can think of in this quest for personal peace. Taking responsibility for one’s own choices, even the perceived mistakes, (of which there are actually none in reality), affords you the luxury of reclaiming those parts of yourself that you left scattered along the way and re-integrating the energy they hold.

Blame is usually the product of two areas of The Wholly Grail: one hidden mechanic and the other one of the Principles. When you step out into the world wearing your shiny knight’s armour you can look the part very easily but it’s what’s under that armour that determines the noble character of the knight. If however the “victim” archetype lurks beneath on the Grail Knight’s chain mail then taking responsibility is the last thing on his or her mind. The victim feeds on blame.

Principle 3: I AM Human is the section of the Grail that deals with the concept of forgiveness. When we blame others for what happens to us we hold them to a higher standard than ourselves and we undo the balance of power in their favour. Now, as children, adults would be responsible for our care, thereby having power over us, but as adults we ultimately have the ability to choose for ourselves.

Please don’t misunderstand me, being the victim of another’s abuse of power is not the same as adopting a victim mentality. The former, when taking on the hero’s stance, can overcome whatever bad things have happened to them with grace and a warrior’s determination but the latter will be crippled by the most simple obstacle by spinning into a disintegrating cycle of “why does this always happen to me?”

Forgiveness comes in many forms but it’s the one sure way to let go of the past and create a new heading based on emotional freedom… it’s about how much baggage you’re willing to take on this journey.

Who can you forgive today and how much excess can you put down?

More later… x

P.S. Look out for details of The Path of Petals course that I will be posting early next week if you’re interested in progressing your spiritual journey towards enlightenment and self-mastery.

 

Come To This Crossroads

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The next step I take, though not the first step, for I have journeyed all my life to come to this crossroads, will be a step born of love and a step into surrender…

Until now I always seem to have been moving towards something, someone, somewhere, a destination that holds no guarantees, but in the last few days along the last few steps, steps that have slowed with each foot I put forward as if the quality of the ground beneath me was whispering gently to me “not this way” and I had only just, for the first time in a long time managed to understand that those whispers were not about how I should walk, which shoes I should wear, how long or how fast my stride was… but just a simple instruction that the road ahead was not the road for me. That perhaps the destination itself was right where I am, right who I am and right now?

The road I’ve been walking has been painful to tread. Some days I didn’t know if I could walk another step, some days the very ground beneath my feet fell away and some days it reared up to challenge me: to slap me down and break me. I never gave up the path because I believed it led somewhere, to something important but the path is endless, it comes without reward and without respite until you understand that the journey itself is the reward, and the respite is the series of moments along the path where you stop to smell the flowers, where you share the path with companions and the laughter sparks a series of unprecedented miracles of consciousness. But the road has ultimately been a road I’ve walked alone and it led me here…

The next step I take will be my first one without chains. I am striving no longer to become but am instead letting go in order to be.

I may let go of old ideas. It’s ok.

I may let go of old practices. It’s ok.

I may let go of old goals. It’s ok.

I may let go of old behaviours. It’s ok.

I may let go of you. It’s ok.

In order to walk a path that doesn’t yet exist, to blaze a new trail of discovery, I can carry only what is mine… and the ground beneath my feet has not yet learned how to whisper “this way” or “that way” and that’s ok because the whisper from my soul grows louder by the moment and that message is clear: “My darling you already are.”

The path I choose is not the path of pain, it is not the path of despair, it is not the path of fools… I choose the path of petals.

The Path of Petals is my new ascension training course for self discovery and self-mastery that I will be delivering starting this March for anyone who is interested in joining and who lives locally to Sheffield UK. More details will be available soon and an online version will follow.

More later… x

Nothing To Do With You

Every once in a while you whole world appears to collapse in on itself. The ground disappears from beneath that beautiful meandering river that you were flowing along and suddenly you are free-falling  down a thundering waterfall, flailing about trying to grab a hold of something solid, something definite…

Did life as you know it just end? Did your plans, dreams, goals just crash on the rocks below or get washed away whist you were still falling?

In a universe this vast, its impossible to be unaffected by external events, other people and their actions, even if the connection isn’t locally recognisable like say a war creating global financial instability which in turn affects the amount of retail spending and a recession hits which causes you to be made redundant… the war has nothing to do with you, does it? You may not have made the connection but it’s affects have caused the bottom to drop out of your world… now that’s just an example. Let’s say that your particular river has been flowing towards merging with another river but somewhere out in the world more than one tributary stream influences the flow of that river and causes it to divert and damn up…

Those tributaries have nothing to do with you but now your world and your flow is affected…

So the bottom dropped out of your world and you’re in freefall… the most significant mechanic of The Wholly Grail is that you cannot keep the Grail. Life will not allow you to become complacent or take it for granted, it’s the detours that keep the journey interesting and indeed keep it moving forward. So you hoped that the goal would be in sight by now but the truth is that God never lost sight of it in the first place… He’s testing your survival skills at this point and attempting to synchronize the rate of flow in each of the rivers, it’s your job to remember that God is your dingy and when you hit the bottom of the falls all you have to do is climb back in and you’ll be floating on your way again.

Keep returning to the true Source of your Grail and no part of your adventure will be in vain.

More later… x

Saturday Oracle – Crisis of Faith

Grail Oracle Chalice

I have a confession to make…

On pulling The Sacred Chalice for the 3rd time in recent weeks I broke my own rules and pulled another combination. The Intuitive Chalice Oracle works by combining  one of The 7 Principles with one of the 7 colours of the rainbow pertaining to the energy centres of subtle body or chakras (as they vibrate at 3rd dimension), but there is an extra card, The Sacred Chalice which if selected, requires no additional card to complement it…

The crisis of faith I’m referring to in the title is less about the selection and more about me not believing our luck… I say ‘our’ luck because each week I pick a group combination meant for all of you reading this.

Last week I was excited because sweet love was calling in soul mate energy and this week looks set to continue the theme of abundant blessings coming your way… but…

…The Chalice, when it runneth over also demands that something be given up in order to make room. Along with the general flow of yesterday’s 999 numerological portal opening and the “completion” of cycles that it heralds, this powerful symbol represents that you are gaining confidence in your own wholeness and as a result others are beginning to mirror that back to you. Those who don’t will find that your magnetic pull on all that you desire will actually repel them.

You are starting to operate on a much higher frequency and as a result your circle of intimates is transforming as you invite in the new and the old and outworn gets washed away with the nectar of universal abundance.

Feelings of guilt will stir as will a tendency to try to hold on but you must not fight the gifts that this benevolent universe is bringing you for the sake of sentiment over the ones that have, over time become burdens.

The only crisis of faith going on is us merry lot attempting to suspend disbelief as the universe begins to deliver.

As for the second combination I pulled: Principle 1 with vibrant orange… you are worthy of the intimate relationship that’s heading your way (or if you’re in one, expect it to step up a notch and transform as you become more aware of your own worth).

May all your blessings have wings… x

The Dyson Effect

Toying with the idea of emptiness this morning at the prompting of an intuitive connection to an underlying impending shift in personal circumstances, I was exploring the concept of a true vacuum. You see, emptiness suggests the lack of something but the universal way of things is that as soon as space becomes available something rushes in to fill the gap. More to the point, this is only so within a vacuum where it literally sucks in everything around it because a vacuum is a place where nature is excluded, growth is excluded, life is excluded … and that cannot be allowed to remain.

What we term empty in an emotional context is actually far from it, like a room in a house that is vacant… there appears to be nothing there, but there is air, there is probably dust, and there is certainly energy of one form or another. The room though is waiting to be filled. Unlike the Dyson Effect whereby the vacuum generated within the space would suck in new life, this room requires intent in order to be refilled with the vibrancy of a new situation, like furniture and a purpose for instance.

Let me offer up an emotional comparison:

You feel empty… now explore that for a moment. You are never actually empty. Like the room is full of air and dust and energy, so are you, the question is what is the consistency of the air and dust and energy?

Does the emptiness actually equate to loneliness or does it equate to anticipation?

The Dyson Effect (not at all a technical or scientific term but an analogy based solely on my vacuum cleaner) sucks in everything in its path, no discernment required… it eats the dust, the dirt, the rug, the cat (actually I don’t have a cat but if I did it would now be happily residing inside the Dyson), because a true vacuum doesn’t distinguish what it wants… but you, in a state of emptiness are also ready to be filled. What you fill your empty room with (your heart, mind and soul in this case) is determined by that consistency of residual energy.

Loneliness, if that’s your current state of (un)emptiness is a negative focus on lack, honing in only on what appears to be missing from the room, whereas anticipation is a joyful acceptance that what has past has created an opening for a whole new slew of blessings and opportunities…

What is the consistency of the energy in your empty room?

Mine? I’ve removed all the dust with the Dyson… all that’s left is the anticipation of lovely stuff filling my open heart, because that’s all I’ve made space for.

More later… x

 

Detach, Define and Dance

Today apparently is the exact centre of the year with the same number of days behind us as there are in front. It’s as though we’ve reached a pivotal point, literally, a balance point or natural turn. Usually that turn occurs on the solstice but as we use a calendar that merely tips a nod to the natural solstices and equinoxes and have done for centuries, our internal clocks are somewhat misaligned. No matter, we work with what we’ve got.

The days leading up to this non-celebrated event have been poignant for me as I’ve subconsciously reset my own personal targets and shifted gear to ensure I’m on track with personal goals and agendas… they in fact have been refined or even redefined as I’ve set about questioning the “why” in each case. The why is the platform on which we build a dream, it’s the driving force behind every action and its the compass keeping us on track. My why has shifted after some deep internal work, liberating me from a multitude of doubts and fears, my “I want this” has become “If God wants it for me it will come to pass.” The results have been miraculous so far, at least in my whole attitude and level of internal peace… God, it seems, has gone all out to get me what I want just simply because I let Him.

If you’ve read some of “the pear” posts over the last week you’ll know that my life goal has been waved in front of my eyes for me to turn my attention to bringing it to fruition now, and when life reminds you you have a looming deadline, like hitting the halfway point in the year when your natural tendency is think “Shit! The year’s half done,” then internal panic could set in pretty darn quickly. Negative statements like: I’m never gonna achieve this, could cripple you into inaction and even depression if you allow the fear to creep in but there’s an alternative that involves recognising that you just cannot do this alone…

Letting go and letting God is a terrifying notion when you’re a control freak but once you actually get the hang of Principle 2: I AM Detached, the whole process becomes a dance with angels as they lift you up and carry you to each desired check point along the road to the goal. When you open up a dialog with Source energy and confirm your wish and your why, if the wish is for your highest good and the why is a noble one then your path will be filled with synchronicities that make you wonder why you ever doubted in the first place…. you were just focused in the wrong direction.

In the last couple of weeks, life has had its ups and downs, my home is in turmoil with building work going on, my work schedule has gone to pot along with it, but do you know what? I feel content that all that is happening around me but none of it is happening to me…. I AM Detached. My plans are moving along at a steady pace and fun is happening as standard.

The year may be half over, but there’s still half left… detach, define and dance your way with angels to your desired destination.

God’s in charge of the journey… so let Him be.

More later… x