Tag Archives: Healing Relationships

How To Avoid Conflict Through Honouring Each Other

The ego is an amazing mechanism that individuates the cosmic soup into a personality recognisable as you. You could say that its the ego that makes you unique and drives you to express that combination of skills and talents and particular gifts that allow you to be an asset in the world to carry out Divine service. The ego gets a bad rep though because of its conflicting agenda when it comes to those gifts.

As a species we are herd animals, we need each other. The ego fights between “fit in,” ” no, stand out.” “Lead,” “no, follow!” “We’re a team,” “no, I’m an individual!” It’s all a bit exhausting and emanates from a fear of not being able to reconcile the physical separation of a human existence with the connectivity of all things that our higher aspects are constantly trying to remind our ego’s.

Conflict between ego’s is an extension of that same irreconcilable internal conversation. Two people who have forgotten the number one Principle of The Wholly Grail: I AM God. This affirmation of Divinity and therefore connectivity simply means I am you and you are me and we fight because we’ve forgotten.

The world needs everything that you have to offer, and so it is with me, and the differences that become apparent when we focus all our attention upon them with a critical, judgmental and unforgiving eye become ugliness as we compile evidence of separation, but when we turn our full attention to what unites us, what similarities and complementary attributes we share, something beautiful emerges… it’s called love.

The universal energy that connects all things exists, whether we choose to acknowledge it’s presence or turn away from it, whether we choose to bury it under hatred and revenge in the name of self-preservation or simply accept that all is fair in love, and that war is actually a masquerade of the most insidious thief that exists: fear.

Conflict can only end by surrendering fear into the arms of love. Love which allows your uniqueness to stand out in service of the team whilst honouring, not coveting, the uniqueness of every member of that team as you honour yourself.

I am you, you are me… when we fight we descend towards mutually assured destruction. I’m not prepared to wound what I honour.

Archangel Zadkiel, The Angel of The Violet Flame, is there to be called upon to transmute fear, conflict and all negative vibrations, settling karmic stories and encouraging all involved to choose a higher path of mercy and love. Let him be our best friend as we all refocus on peace.

More later… x

 

Saturday Oracle – Your Own Best Friend

For the second week running the issue of Self-Full Living has risen to the surface to remind you that you matter…

Principle 6: I AM Self-Full combines its powerful influence with the sacral chakra to highlight your relationships and more importantly this week, where you fit into them.

Redefining boundaries will feature heavily in the next few days as you find more and more that your needs are not being met and in some cases you are being taken advantage of.

You may notice that those close to you are making the rules up as they go along and are somewhat oblivious to the effects of their actions… it’s not personal, they are simply behaving in a way that feels natural to them and as you may have been passively standing by as standards deteriorate, now is not the time to apportion blame for the fact that you feel violated or otherwise affronted.

The issue here lies in the assumption that loved ones actually know what you want… have you been clear?

Knowing where you end and others begin is a tricky business especially when you’re invested in the friendship/partnership/relationship, as rocking the boat by being vocal about what’s gone wrong can often feel confrontational if handled badly, perceivably risking the connection, but here’s the thing: strong fences, good neighbours make. In layman’s terms that’s pointing out that without boundaries conflicts ensue.

All that being said, this week it’s time to be your own best friend and take back control of your life by first accepting responsibility for allowing your energetic walls to be breached and then clarifying your position.

Everyone benefits from knowing where they stand.

Ask Archangel Michael to guide you to find the right words to use and to cut cords and attachments to fear based thoughts that have thus far caused you to remain passive or silent and ask for everyone’s highest good to be served by your assertive actions.

More next week… x

Look Again At The Miracles

Do you remember why you first connected with someone? What it was that drew you towards a relationship/friendship/partnership with them?

Over time everything evolves to a point where it then begins to decay, like the seasons: spring is a time of new beginnings, learning, growth; it transforms into a summer of celebration when everything is in full bloom; which gives way to autumn when we first harvest the abundance before decay commences and we allow the natural cycle to wither into winter, a time in which that which is no longer working dies and all else sleeps a restorative sleep and regeneration occurs. The seed of what has passed prepares to germinate into a fresh new beginning when the inevitable cycle begins anew.

Don’t go kidding yourself that anything in existence is immune from this cycle, relationships included.

It can be difficult when things begin to move into an autumn/winter phase, especially as we never really know what can survive or indeed whether we even want it to, so the process can feel like an agonising dismantling of the structures you believe define you… but they do not define you and this recognition begins the awakening of your individuation.

All relationships whether good, bad or indifferent, act as a mirror for your own self examination and understanding. You become an explorer, an adventurer, a seeker and learner at the beginning… allowing your natural childlike curiosity to lead you through uncharted waters; you thrive in your own beauty and vitality when the summer phase washes over you and then responsibility and daily life become the mundane teachers of early autumn… right before giving way to discontent and the beginning of the end… of this cycle anyway.

It is an inevitable cycle but this is not a pessimistic diatribe into an inevitable end…

Though winter must come to all endeavours, so too must a new spring. Nowhere is it written that winter must spell the end of your human entanglements, the cycle in fact suggests that you are merely recreating new energy to be born anew. So I take you back to the beginning of this piece: Do you remember why you first connected with someone? What it was that first drew you towards a relationship/friendship/partnership with them?

We forget to see the beauty, the multifaceted and infinitely layered capacity that every human being has to amaze, inspire, and reflect back our own divinity because we forget to tell them that it exists within them. We remind them constantly of how they don’t measure up to our expectations instead of seeing through the eyes of innocence and wonder into the depths of all that they do that is fascinating, enchanting and extraordinary.

Look again at the miracles they perform daily: the strength they have to keep going, the generosity they show to others, their determination, their wisdom, their playfulness… re-read their story as an individual as well as the chapters they share with you and then focus in on the characteristics that you mirror back to each other and ask yourself if you are focused on the positive influence of the partnership or on the niggles that you have allowed to push you into a negative slump towards winter.

Everything must end eventually, but a healer would at least try to save the patient before allowing an unnecessary death.

All your relationships need regularly resuscitation but the reboot has to come from you… who can you reflect beauty back at today?

I’d just like to say, you inspire me, you make me the best I can be and I am eternally grateful for you.

Principle 1: I AM God. Principle 3: I AM Human. Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted.

More later… x

 

Cinderella’s Dilemma

The masquerade ball was an enchanting experience, one that Cinderella never in her widest dreams imagined she would have attended, until that night when her fairy godmother arrived with a bag of tricks to transform Cinders into the most beautiful princess the kingdom had ever seen…

Oh, how she danced in the arms of a spellbound prince, ever mindful of the hands of the ticking clock… and then it struck. Midnight? So soon? As she raced down the palace steps, fearful that her rags would return before she arrived home, terrified that she would be seen for the what she really was, in her haste she shed a single shoe…

Now if this was set a long time ago in a land far, far away, it may have been a glass slipper but this was set in the last 5 years and so the shoe was far more likely to be a Converse… but that’s neither here nor there as far as the pantomime goes.

The distraught Prince, in his grief at her disappearance, set out a mandate: “I will search the kingdom and whomever this weird footwear (complete with orthotic insole) fits, I shall marry.” And so his search began.

Now see, I’ve got a beef with Prince Charming: All that happened was him waltzing with some enigma in a mask on a dancefloor for a little while and now he’s declaring her an eternal soul mate! The search has, up until now continued, but it would be so much easier if the fairy godmother had advised her to go as herself, rags and all, simply because when the shoe fits, Prince-Pretending-to-be-Charming is going to shit his pants!

She was wearing a mask… so ok the fairy godmother couldn’t fake her dance moves… they were real enough, but the beautiful ball gown, (complete with corset creating that fake waistline and cleavage), once it transformed back into yoga pants and comfort bra boar no resemblance to the vision of beauty that had graced the ball.

The Prince of course is no real catch either… by all accounts he’s a workaholic and always away on state business, so in the likely event the (now in daylight, fake) Converse should find its way back to the dancing mystery lady, chances are she’d be obligated to marry an absent title who only actually danced with her at Christmas when the state ball required him to attend.

The moral of this panto is plain… Be who you are, communicate the real you from a place of authenticity and humility and then falling in love will be a miracle born of truth and nobody will ever need to live up to persona they inadvertently created in order to fit in and be socially acceptable.

At the posting of this story Cinderella was finally getting round to putting up the Christmas tree (in her yoga pants) and Prince Charming is missing in action, who knows whether or not he has given up the search or if he even still has the sweaty gym shoe?

Cinderella’s Dilemma is a Christmas romance brought to you by The Wholly Grail’s Principle 4: I AM Truth.

More later… x

A Whole Flame

Very soon after writing my last post “Most Unconventional Romantic Entanglement” I was asked the question: “Are you a whole flame?” Upon considering the question I was instantly propelled towards the most poignant hidden Grail Mechanic… you cannot keep the Grail.

Here’s the best answer I can muster at this time…

Some days I burn bright and some days my fire is low, some days I have the spark but not fuel and other days I have the fuel but no spark… I am a constant work in progress motivated by my desire to heal and be healed, to learn and to teach… and for us all, love is the medium through which we grow, lifetime after lifetime, in embracing it and rejecting it, reaching out for it and hiding from it… it is the eternal dance that drives every aspect of our lives… the power we crave merely a substitute for the divine power of love and the pain we cause, a childlike retaliation when feel the absence of it… an absence caused purely by our own disconnection from the Source of all things. We search for partners, teachers and lovers to help us discover the healing still required, to be the fuel when the flame burns low and to be the spark when the light goes out.

Yes, I AM a whole flame… but some days I forget this amazing revelation for one reason and one reason only…

Principle 3: I AM Human

More later… x

Most Unconventional Romantic Entanglement

I have been inundated with requests this week, formally, informally, professionally, personally and socially for advice/counselling on relationship issues and The Wholly Grail’s take on the great game we call romance. You’re going to have to forgive me at this point because I’m laughing my head off at the basic irony involved in asking me: a divorcee, currently in the most unconventional romantic entanglement I’ve ever come across with dynamics that nobody would believe if they hadn’t walked this path with me for the last few years… but here’s the thing: the heart wants what the heart wants so let’s start with that premise and build from there…

Coaching using the Grail is an art form when it comes to matters of the heart because every single Principle is involved in some capacity or other, as are the underlying mechanics of The Grail… simply because no two relationships are alike and each has more than one person involved and more than one perspective.

A relationship maybe just starting out, in it’s early stages of ‘getting to know you,’ or it may have been a lifelong partnership. It may be undergoing massive change due to external pressures or the growth of one partner over another or it may be breaking down… there’s also the ‘looking for love’ aspect of romance and all the highs and insecurities that follow along that path, and a myriad of different setups in between. For these reasons I’m not going to go full-on into giving romantic advice here but I will say this much, which is true for all relationships: The Wholly Grail is not a person or what you believe another can do for you, it is a state of consciousness that transcends the need for anything to be other than it is – the attainment of inner peace through acceptance, appreciation and even service.

We were, as a species, created as both yin and yang (feminine and masculine, regardless of physical gender), two halves of a whole… it is therefore in our nature to seek balance by seeking out a twin flame. This however doesn’t diminish the fact that within you is contained the same masculine and feminine nature to varying degrees, and that by balancing, unifying and harmonizing those internal partners you become a whole flame attracting rather than seeking another whole flame, thus creating an eternal fire.

You are The Wholly Grail… once you stop fighting it… and other Wholly Grail’s can’t help but find you and meet you on that level.

Wishing you love.

More later… x

Saturday Oracle – Temporary Flux

Grail Oracle 3Grail Oracle Orange

It’s not the end of the world… so you took a misstep, the sacred dance we call life didn’t come with a choreographer and the dance floor is nowhere near as narrow as you might imagine.

This week Principle 3: I AM Human teams up with the currently popular vibrant orange sacral chakra indicating that stress levels are fluctuating as you undertake a brand new adventure and for some reason you are fearing you’ve already failed or messed up somewhere in the last few days that could possibly have a knock on effect to what you hoped would be an imminent breakthrough. Not so.

When Principle 3 rears its head we react from an ancient wounding, historical evidence of being somehow not good enough for the task in front of us. We begin to question every response or comment from those around us and assume judgement rather than counsel. Stress levels soar when that comes from a source that we see as significant. As the sacral is not only the centre where we register stress and trauma but also the relationship chakra, where attachments are formed: romantic, familial and social, this week’s oracle is forming a strong leaning towards you feeling as though you have disappointed someone in your chosen tribe.

Here’s the thing: history is so not relevant to your current situation… who you are today and your connection to this significant other is based on something much more real than your imagined failure or faux pas. It’s okay to give yourself a pass and carry on as if nothing happened. Besides, what you imagine someone else is thinking is unlikely to be what someone else is actually thinking so why fuel your own cortisol levels and make yourself worry?

This energy is set to ruin your weekend if you don’t get ahead of it so you have options…

The real lesson behind Principle 3 is forgiveness so first of all forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you’ve done and then give your counterpart the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming that they will judge you… or… you could just speak to them directly, eh?

Now then, behind this temporary flux in proceedings remember that at the centre of everything there is love. That’s enough.

More next week… x

Love is Fragile

I decided to add in an extra impromptu post today because I’m finding something fascinating if not a little frustrating…

The independent child is an archetype (not restricted to childhood) whereby from the outside, a person appears to be cold and distant and fully engaged in whatever project or current play thing is amusing them, all the while seeming to be fully ignoring the responsible adult… that is until the responsible adult becomes fully involved, engaged and engrossed in something far more stimulating than being shunned by said child… this is the exact moment when that young soul, who remember up until now has been completely disinterested in the comings and goings of those that care for him or her, has suddenly raised some curiosity as to what could possibly occupy the designated grown-up that is more interesting than simply watching the child from a safe distance do his or her thing?

Now I’m wondering if this is a game played mostly by people who have no siblings and are therefore used to being independent whilst remaining the centre of attention or if it is a sign of control to avoid insecurity but I’m speculating on both theories as I myself have siblings and I’m a firm believer that when the grown-ups are talking, they are not doing so in order to ignore the child, they are merely taking the opportunity to have a life that is larger than the workings of the kindergarten.

In grown-up relationships, this phenomenon still exists: “I’m so not interested in you until you appear to become so not interested in me…” it’s a silly game where nobody wins. I remember being subjected to the film Nanny McPhee years ago where she says something like: “When you need me but don’t want me, I’ll be there but when you want me but don’t need me, it’s time for me to leave.” Don’t quote me on the accuracy of my script recollection there but you get the gist. What happens though when you want and need Nanny but she’s off pursuing a career in skydiving or as a superhero hanging out in the shadows of Guatemala because you were so independent?

Anyway, the moral of this story is… you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.

Appreciate the people in your life who care enough to appreciate you. Time is finite and love is fragile.

Principles 1 & 7

More later… x

A Grail Knight’s Guide To Handling A Workaholic

Around two thousand and odd years ago there purportedly lived a man who by all intents and purposes changed the face of spirituality forever. So pivotal was his role that millennia later we still speak his name. This man was a workaholic. He was known to be a humble healer and a teacher of spiritual truths. He lived, ate, breathed and slept his mission because it was also his passion and his purpose… but this simple, gentle soul had a secret…

To maintain the pace, power and purity of the word he needed help, he knew this. Though the mission was his and his alone he understood that no man stands as an island and that others had a mission that corresponded with his own. This wise and humble sage, eternally open to the blessings and guidance of an ever loving Source, knew that part of his mission here on earth was to respect that all human life had a role to play and that he would be led to those who would be vital to his own journey… carefully he chose 12 worthy individuals and the world would remember them as disciples.

But there was another, a 13th. In a world that still shunned half the population he knew this to be a risky strategy but he was guided by the yearnings of his heart that this one knew. She knew the truth of his teachings before he uttered them for she too had a direct channel to an ever loving Creator. For the sake of the story let’s call her Mary.

Now, Mary was a beautiful flower and she understood that she distracted him from his work but this distraction was guided and gifted from heaven for it was his job to educate the world how to create that same heaven here on earth, but her job was to show him that he didn’t have to sacrifice for it… The sacrifice would come soon enough and heaven on earth was for his benefit too.

The humble sage soon learned to alternate healing and teaching the world with private time with his family, breaking bread in private juxtaposed with feeding the five thousand… And Mary, she healed him as he healed them…

Had it not been so, had he not allowed Mary to become his confidante, his lover, his wife; had he not understood that his mission included her, he would have died alone on that cross, the twelve having denied him thrice before the cock crowed and having fallen asleep in that garden in his darkest hour when he needed them most…

His work not yet complete, without her to cleanse and anoint his beautiful body laying him to rest, who then would he have appeared to upon his ascension? Those who denied him, disbelieving her?

Enough of this ancient story for now except to say this: when you understand your purpose and you become emblazoned with a passion for the Divine-dealt reason for your existence, recognise that God sends to you all the requisite pieces and people to aid the task. To this gentle sage He sent a Mary, she never questioned his journey, she walked with him every step of the way and carried on his teaching way beyond. Her passion was the Christ, but when he needed sleep she made him rest, when he needed sustenance she fed him (even if he protested: “Petal, I’m in the middle of the sermon on the mount” to which she merely smiled and replied “Jesus, will you shut up and eat” or words to that effect). When he was sick she nursed him, when he needed a sounding board, she listened… and when he needed love…

A Grail Knight’s guide to handling a workaholic begins with understanding the mission, followed by being as passionate about the end product as the one working, finding a way to support them through it whilst maintaining a Self-Full lifestyle and finally being willing to sacrifice… everything except for each other.

God has a plan and whether you are The Messiah or his Mary, desire will tell you where He thinks your focus should lie and don’t presume to know His reasons.

Principle 1: I AM God

Principle 4: I AM Truth

Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted

But most of all Principle 6: Isn’t it time you let someone take care of you?

Blessings, Jo x

Together We Are Blinding!

A few months ago I noticed that my personal Grail cup had sprung a leak and so I set about repairing the damage…

As a perfectionist in many areas of my life I had embraced the idea that imperfections were a great way of assessing sincerity and acceptance in others. I did this subconsciously of course, I mean why would my conscious, fully awakened self need to test people? This phenomenon occurred unbeknownst to me in every aspect of my life from my physical vessel to my home, from my work to my relationships. The problem being that the flaws I created didn’t test how others saw or accepted me but instead how I saw and accepted myself… now there’s a paradox if ever I heard one simply because when you don’t accept yourself that’s when others fail to accept you. Your flaws do not deter the fundamentally flawed, in fact they attract others to you, what repels them or creates insincerity within them is the massive leak of energy seeping from the metaphorical Grail that either washes them clean away or feeds their greed depending on the people involved.

The first kind being those who come in love, those wishing to embrace you and add to your light and the second having similar leaky vessels and so refuelling from your leak… sounds all very technical but here’s the thing: plugging up your vessel allows it to fill up and thus allows others to refuel from the overflow instead of the depleting spillage. There will still be those opportunists who drink it in, ┬áno matter: there is plenty more where that came from; there will still be those who get washed away, frightened by the light, no matter: God will find them a safe shore upon which to rest before finding there energetic match; but then there is a third type of perfectly imperfect partner in crime… I’ve have lots of those thankfully, they are the ones whose imperfections make them shine just as brightly as mine do me and together we are blinding!

If you want to plug your leak, if you want to allow others to see and accept you just as you are all you have to do is love yourself unconditionally, not in spite of your imperfections but because of them… you’ll probably find that many of them disappear anyway once you no longer feel the need to test people.

Principle 1: I AM God (therefore perfect)

Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted (therefore the imperfections are perfect too)!

More later… x