Tag Archives: Grief

A Grail Knight’s Guide To Handling Heartbreak

There are times along the path that you feel like you’ve completely lost your way. Times when something or someone has such a profound affect upon you that you become disoriented because the inner compass you rely on for direction is spinning with emotion and true north fades to a distant memory, lost among the turmoil of inner thoughts and processes.

How does a Grail Knight deal with heartbreak?

Many years ago I was introduced to my shamanic power animal, Mother Jaguar, a beautiful velvety black big cat with emerald green eyes. Her job is to walk as my constant companion… I was told that if I ever lost the path I should look to her, where I should go she would follow, if I didn’t know the next step she would lead and if I ever completely lost the way I should retrace my steps back to see where she was waiting patiently and there would be the point where I took a wrong turn, so that I may choose differently.

So ok, that’s how I find my way back to the original plan, the path as it were was simply constructed from a series of hopes and dreams and the individual joyful steps towards creating/achieving said hopes and dreams… but that doesn’t answer the question of how a Grail Knight deals with heart break does it?

You leaving the path is one thing but supposing one of the requisite parts of your plan (or your hopes and dreams) leaves the path instead? Suddenly your path becomes unbalanced, lonely, treacherous even. You cannot visualise how the dream can come to fruition without that significant cog in the machine playing its role the way you hoped it would… now the goal itself looks like a lesser version of itself and you’re not sure you even want to pursue it… in extreme cases it might be the case that you have no inclination towards pursuing any dream at all, such is the blow, the loss… but that’s what happens when you presume to understand the finer details of manifestation, the details that only The Divine Orchestrater has any real power over…

The heartbreak is a result of attachment, the blatant disregard for Principle 2: I AM Detached and its lessons in being present and not projecting into the future, but this isn’t a lesson in “I told you so” it’s a lesson in healing…

A Grail Knight feels pain simply because a Grail Knight is human, like all other humans. Heartbreak has to be felt, processed, worked through. Principle 3: I AM Human isn’t a “get out of jail free card”, it’s a genuine vessel of grace, forgiveness and compassion offering a place of respite when we get it wrong. A place to heal without recrimination or self judgement and a place in which all parties are free.

So what is a Grail Knight’s guide to handling heartbreak?

Breathe. This too shall pass and the sun will rise again tomorrow. Take off the armour for now and surrender to what is… the why changes nothing, don’t search for it. Should the cog decide to rejoin the path at a later juncture, leave the door open for in that lives the essence of an open heart. And if by some miracle this is the case then the why can be explored to ensure open communication can recommence embracing “I AM Truth.”

I found Mother Jaguar sitting way back at a crossroads…”This is a really nice place to sit and wait” so here I’ll take off my armour, sit and breathe, heal, perhaps shed a few tears, surrender and wait for Divine Direction on the next step.

I AM Human.

More later… (maybe, if it’s still the path) x

End of The Blame Table

Having just awoken from a particularly violent dream and still feeling a little shaken by the apparent underlying emotion of anger that must exist within me in order to allow my subconscious to enact such visions of potential rage, I’m intent on unravelling a part of The Grail that on some level I have yet to reconcile with.

I AM Liberated. It seems a ludicrous statement after my opening sentences but as “I AM” gives a command to the universe, if you use the term often enough according to the laws of the universe you become what you constantly attest to be.

Principle 5, in this case disturbing my sleep, is about letting go of things that are no longer meant to be a part of ones journey. When somebody or something leaves of its own accord, my ability to let go is what’s known as an open door policy, you come, you go, you stay a while or you don’t, I grieve, I move on. What happens though when that thing or person is taken away?

Blame is a horrific sentiment and was the route cause of my bad dream so that’s where I’m starting my cleansing process today and I’m starting with the ultimate detergent: Principle 3: I AM Human. Principle 3 embraces the art of forgiveness and in this case it’s me that I need to forgive, firstly for the underlying capacity to hold such darkness as all human beings do and secondly because the questions like “Did I do the right thing?” “Should I have fought harder for what was mine?” “Did I let down someone or something that needed me?” These questions are all punishments that I don’t need to endure and whoever sits at the other end of the blame table has a unique perspective of human need and naivety that warrants the same level of forgiveness.

So on that note, today I wish you a day of self-forgiveness, liberation and peace. May you be blessed inside your own Grail.

More later… x