Tag Archives: Family

The Good Friday Guide To Conflict Resolution

Do you think JC would have ended up on a cross if people actually knew how to resolve their differences?

I have to confess my post has little or nothing to do with Easter or the crucifixion story, it just seems appropriate to mention Master Jesus at this time of year and ask what he would do… unfortunately for him he was unable to make the other party hear him (probably because Mercury had slid fully into its impression of Michael Jackson’s moonwalk going backwards across the sky and sending communication into a tailspin of misunderstanding, misinterpretation, misrepresentation… in fact just ‘mis’sing the point entirely.

So conflict resolution then?

From a Wholly Grail perspective we may have to throw every one of the 7 Principles at the issue but lets start with Principle 4: I AM Truth…

This Principle should not be deliberately used to prove who is right and who is wrong, it is a universal statement, available to all to make the point that from any one persons point of reference the truth looks very different and so your truth and mine may not essentially match. Let’s start there.

We all make assumptions during conflict about what the other persons agenda is, we imagine their motives from our personal perspective… we are inevitably wrong. Just ask.

“What do you want?”

“What outcome are you hoping for?”

“How do you see this situation resolving itself?”

Remember now that all external conflict is a reflection of an internal conflict that we each have going on too. A battle between your higher self and your ego is in progress all with the intention of protecting your best interests… they just don’t know how to agree on the best course of how to make that happen, so externally you do battle with whatever appears to be threatening your sense of safety.

Victory in conflict is an illusion. For someone to be the victor, someone else has to be the victim… for every winner there is a loser, unless the warring parties learn to listen, and to be honest in their representation of the real issues underlying the antagonism they have towards each other.

Resolution is never the hidden agenda. Winning is. That’s the thing that needs to be determined: “What’s your definition of winning?”

Only compromise can create true resolution and that has to be about two parties coming together to create a win/win scenario.

Love must be the agenda.

This is where we slap in Principle 2: I AM Detached, this allows us to let go of the tight hold we have on our chosen outcome. Follow it with Principle 1: I AM God, without being able to recognise the divinity in your opponent you will never be able to see them as anything but your opponent and therefore you will never truly recognise that you were always on the same team: family.

Now we need the final piece… Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted, quite simply the perfect balance of give and take.

Whilst this is all very well, the vital ingredient is this:

It takes two people to pull up a chair at the negotiation table… you cannot force a closed mind open, so if that doesn’t work, one must take JC’s approach and turn the other cheek… (and someone ends up crucified).

More later… x

 

I’ve Reached My Limit

I’ve been thinking a lot about priorities of late and more specifically what mine are, and then out of the blue at about 1.30 this morning I had a moment of sudden clarity that I’d had everything upside down…

It sometimes takes an emergency to help you re-evaluate your plans for the future and where you yourself fit into them, what you’re willing to accept and where your boundaries truly are. The last two days have been a bit of a whirlwind albeit a short-lived one that have seen the foundation’s of my own reality get a little shaken like the proverbial tower in the tarot deck… luckily the tower didn’t fall this time but it’s only a matter of time before it does… Life is so very precious… love is a gift… family is everything.

My priorities have had me testing the strength of my roots and calculating what I was prepared to give up for something apparently greater for quite some time and I know now what the answer is…

Have you every been in a position where you have had to choose one way of life over another, one person over another, one location over another? I’ve been freeing myself up from all my ties and anchors for years in order to make that choice an easy one but in the early hours of the morning I realised something… I don’t want to. There is something in my current life that I love so very dearly that to leave would be the end of who I truly am… that’s not to say that there isn’t a place for my dreams to arrive and set up camp here, I’ve left the door open and made a space, in my life, in my heart, in my schedule and even in my home to create something amazing, but right here has something for me that the rest of the world is missing and until the inevitable day that she no longer exists in physical form… I’m home.

When you evaluate what’s really true for you, start by focusing on what you already have that you love before you ponder what you haven’t yet got that you would like… that new thing will come with needs, boundaries and conditions… make sure you don’t give up yours to achieve it… your dreams may have to be malleable to accommodate what already exists in your reality. I always ask “What are you prepared to give up?” Well, I’ve reached my limit. Nothing more for now… I’ve been accommodating enough and now it’s someone else’s turn to do the compromising and meet me half way.

Principle 1: I AM God (and I matter)

Principle 2: I AM Detached (and what’s present is what’s important)

Principle 4: I AM Truth (and I won’t ignore what’s true for me now)

Principle 5: I AM Self-Full (and this is what I need).

Priorities change… forgive me if I move you down the list… though you are pretty high up there, the only person at the top… is me.

More later… x

The Trappings of a Peaceful Life

What is peace?

Perhaps peace is the ability to rise above the external turmoil or to stay centred in the midst of it? Perhaps it is the skill of allowing that turmoil to carry you, knowing full well it will pass? Life is a process made simpler by withdrawing from drama but isn’t the rollercoaster exactly what we came here to ride?

For each individual the trappings of a peaceful life are very different simply because we have varied tolerances for sensory input and stimulation. We have different expectations and physiologies, different attitudes, hopes and dreams.

As individual as every human fingerprint is the external search for inner peace… but the internal search, the only space in which a truly peaceful experience can be tapped, is universal…

We all need to feel safe, warm, sheltered, loved, heard, honoured and respected. When we do these things for ourselves they become an inside job and inner peace ensues. When we share these things with others we become family.

Today, everything that you need to feel peaceful, offer to someone else. You are the bringer of miracles and the most powerful creator in your own universe, if you can create peace – become peace.

Principle 1: I AM God

More later… x