Tag Archives: Direction

Fighting With The Fear Of Freedom

Years ago, weary and jaded by the corporate grind, downtrodden by the internal politics of the all-too-familiar company dynamic, unable to affect real change for myself or my employees even as a senior manager, I decided that the only logical course of action open to me that didn’t mean me collapsing into another cycle of blind apathy was to quit.

Scary shit man! I mean, walking away from the stability of a decent salary at the height of a countrywide recession when you have a mortgage to pay and no clue what to do next…

That was beginning of my placing my full trust in the universe to guide me, the start of my spiritual adventure and the unification of my everyday material life with my soul’s direction for me. I’m not going to tell you I wasn’t terrified about being income-less and dependant on my then husband’s meagre wage, but the truth was that the moment I walked out of the front door of that multi-million pound personal prison, the relief I felt melted away all the fear of lack and was replaced by sheer determination.

My first task was to decide where life was going to take me next…

That’s the crux of this story… I had to decide.

Freedom is the scariest place on Earth if you have spent your life following someone else’s rules, policies, timetables, agendas… basically towing the company line. For the first time you stand there and go: what do I do? Which way do I go? God, what is my purpose?

You are so used to having your life mapped out that you panic and latch on to the first guru that seems to have got it all together, or the family member or friend that says “do this,” or “do that.”

That very voice that had you break out of the gilded cage though, will rise up within you and scream “You lead the way. We fought for the right to choose our own path now don’t give it away!”

But you’re so used to being told what to do… and now you’re fighting with the fear of freedom. The fear stems from deep within where you have yet to understand the power of responsibility, that place where you only have yourself to blame… and once you understand that blame is a redundant emotion wrapped up in judgement and self-criticism, you can swap it out for self-appreciation that regardless of whether you succeed or lose, you took the reins of the chariot and began blazing a trail of your own into the wilds of who knows where…

And when you ask God what your purpose is, He simply smiles knowing that He didn’t have to say a word for you to find it… to find you… to find freedom the moment you decided to choose for yourself.

If you are completely lost for a direction to choose then try this affirmation instead of letting someone else choose:

“God bring me a multitude of exciting opportunities today that I may sample, and choose for myself whichever brings me passion.”

Principle 1, 3, 4, 5 and 6 (that’s a whole lot of Principles!)

More later… x

 

First Monday Challenge – Aligning The Crazy Internal Compass

It’s already March and the first Monday of the month has arrived to greet us with a challenge. Let us then meet it with an open heart and mind, not to mention great expectations.

Ask yourself a question to get yourself in the right frame of mind to enable this challenge to best serve you, the question is simple: “Am I going the right way?”

It’s not a trick question, and you may indeed be oriented towards all that is great and glorious but within you is a truth barometer that can detect the essence of a lie, denial, muddle or confusion. This internal barometer sends you messages constantly by the way that you feel, for example anxiety, apprehension, tension in the body may denote an untruth that you are telling yourself about the quality and validity of the current direction, whereas, joy, excitement, inspiration and expansiveness may be an indication that you’re right on track.

So ask yourself the question and allow the answer to arrive through the way that you feel.

Now for the challenge…

Did you just find out that your subconscious knows you’re off course? Don’t panic, the thing about this journey is that you can always adjust your heading and lay in a new set of coordinates, but the challenge is to first take a moment to check in with your compass: Source.

Altering course before you know where you wish to go or where your Soul wants to guide you would just have your ship going in circles and never having a clear indication of where you are, never mind what direction to take, so conscious contact with your higher power is the very next step to take. It’s all about aligning your crazy internal compass towards your intended outcome once you have determined what that is.

I know some of you maybe wondering what you really want out of life and have no real direction or purpose, especially if you have recently gone through a major life change or are trying to create one, so instead of specific, tangible goals, focus on how you want to feel… fulfilled, useful, joyful, adventurous, healthy, vital, loving, loveable and loved… how about those little gems for starters? Add your own and have fun with it.

Now all you need do is open your heart and mind to a new way of being, let go of everything you think you already know about who you are and what you’re capable of, and let God show you a sign about where to tread next… tread lightly and enjoy.

Happy Monday!

More later… x

First Monday Challenge – The Starting Blocks

“Welcome to 2017. Please remember to fasten your seatbelts and remain in your seat until the ride has completely come to a halt…” except it never really does come to a halt does it?

The first Monday of the year and we are all geared up for this universal 1 year (whatever that is), having survived by the skin of our teeth the “9” year of endings that felt like it went on forever at times and yet it seems just moments since I began a post with the words “first Monday of the year.”

What exactly does it look and feel like to be geared up for a year of fresh starts and new beginnings though?

Many of you will be holding your breath waiting for the new to come colliding in through the front door (and for a few it might), but for the most part this cosmic stream that we have placed power into mainly through collective intention is simply providing optimum conditions for you to create anew. The challenge here is when to begin and when to wait.

I know you’re already knelt at the starting blocks but the truth is that you may still be missing some vital information, inspiration, or the direction in which to set off running and so now is the time for reflection, meditation, consolidation and decision making, otherwise when the starting pistol does get around to firing you’ll be spinning on the spot losing vital energy.

Get a pen and paper, write down what you really want to create this year, as both tangible, measurable outcomes and as the resultant feelings and emotions that go with them… use the 7 Principles of The Wholly Grail as guidance if you like, they will provide you with:

Self- worth, Presence, Forgiveness, Authenticity, Freedom, Health and Personal Fulfilment and Balanced Relationships… that’s not a bad place to start now is it? Once you’ve got your list, meditate on it, rule out all the clutter and pare that list down to just 3 things (all the feelings, but just 3 actual goals). These are your priorities… your current hearts desires. This is where your energy should go and which direction you need to set off in when the momentum takes you.

Remember something else important too… when you set off towards your destiny, it sets off in search of you. That’s gonna be a bit shit if you’re running blindly in the opposite direction so get focused. What’s another few days, weeks, months?

When the ride sets off, it will be the ride of your life, but for now you have to wait for the rollercoaster to fill up with the component parts and players… prepare…wait…

More later… x

A Grail Knight’s Guide To Handling Heartbreak

There are times along the path that you feel like you’ve completely lost your way. Times when something or someone has such a profound affect upon you that you become disoriented because the inner compass you rely on for direction is spinning with emotion and true north fades to a distant memory, lost among the turmoil of inner thoughts and processes.

How does a Grail Knight deal with heartbreak?

Many years ago I was introduced to my shamanic power animal, Mother Jaguar, a beautiful velvety black big cat with emerald green eyes. Her job is to walk as my constant companion… I was told that if I ever lost the path I should look to her, where I should go she would follow, if I didn’t know the next step she would lead and if I ever completely lost the way I should retrace my steps back to see where she was waiting patiently and there would be the point where I took a wrong turn, so that I may choose differently.

So ok, that’s how I find my way back to the original plan, the path as it were was simply constructed from a series of hopes and dreams and the individual joyful steps towards creating/achieving said hopes and dreams… but that doesn’t answer the question of how a Grail Knight deals with heart break does it?

You leaving the path is one thing but supposing one of the requisite parts of your plan (or your hopes and dreams) leaves the path instead? Suddenly your path becomes unbalanced, lonely, treacherous even. You cannot visualise how the dream can come to fruition without that significant cog in the machine playing its role the way you hoped it would… now the goal itself looks like a lesser version of itself and you’re not sure you even want to pursue it… in extreme cases it might be the case that you have no inclination towards pursuing any dream at all, such is the blow, the loss… but that’s what happens when you presume to understand the finer details of manifestation, the details that only The Divine Orchestrater has any real power over…

The heartbreak is a result of attachment, the blatant disregard for Principle 2: I AM Detached and its lessons in being present and not projecting into the future, but this isn’t a lesson in “I told you so” it’s a lesson in healing…

A Grail Knight feels pain simply because a Grail Knight is human, like all other humans. Heartbreak has to be felt, processed, worked through. Principle 3: I AM Human isn’t a “get out of jail free card”, it’s a genuine vessel of grace, forgiveness and compassion offering a place of respite when we get it wrong. A place to heal without recrimination or self judgement and a place in which all parties are free.

So what is a Grail Knight’s guide to handling heartbreak?

Breathe. This too shall pass and the sun will rise again tomorrow. Take off the armour for now and surrender to what is… the why changes nothing, don’t search for it. Should the cog decide to rejoin the path at a later juncture, leave the door open for in that lives the essence of an open heart. And if by some miracle this is the case then the why can be explored to ensure open communication can recommence embracing “I AM Truth.”

I found Mother Jaguar sitting way back at a crossroads…”This is a really nice place to sit and wait” so here I’ll take off my armour, sit and breathe, heal, perhaps shed a few tears, surrender and wait for Divine Direction on the next step.

I AM Human.

More later… (maybe, if it’s still the path) x

Take Care of The Scary Bits

So much has changed. Where you were a year ago is so very different from where you are now even if the geographical location is the same… life isn’t static, every choice you make dredges up a whole new raft of circumstances and inevitably even more choices to the point where nothing of the old life remains except as a memory.

All that being said, now is a good time for re-evaluation. You had a goal and recently I spoke of that goal being brought back to the forefront of your mind in order that you might take another crack at it… but is it still appropriate?

Perhaps the destination is but you are so far off the beaten track that another route would be preferable? A bit like when you take a wrong turn and your sat nav recalculates, sometimes it guides you back to the original route plan and sometimes it aborts that one and finds another. You have to decide on that now… but which is it to be?

A true Grail Knight has to weigh up the pros and cons of the journey to be undertaken, but here’s the thing: trajectory is calculated from where you’ve been not where you’re going, simply because we have no real idea what the future holds. This is where history plays its part and the only legitimate time that you can wander outside of the present without allowing yourself to become entangled in a place you don’t belong anymore… the past. It holds the key to unlock the door to your future, but how?

Looking back objectively you can discern patterns of success and of failure, joy and pain and you can also see what skills, talents and Principles you applied (or failed to apply) in each case. More importantly you can see where your decisions were fuelled by love or by fear. Using this strategy you then create a journey planner towards the intended outcome including the most soul enhancing choices and leaving room for divine intervention every step of the way.

My new life direction was chosen by applying love to areas where I had previously allowed fear to dictate my course and by letting God take care of the scary bits. It’s become a proper adventure!

Wishing you a day of life affirming journey planning, may it be guided always by love.

More later… x

An Invocation for Grace and Mercy

I’ve been working with angelic help for years now, but I’m not the most obedient student! Although I endeavour to serve as the Divine wishes, bearing in mind that we are the Divine and so in effect the angels are always guiding us towards our own wishes or at least the highest version of them, if I can’t see or imagine or indeed understand the path I’m on then it’s my tendency to dig my heels right in and rebel.

Trust is the ability to let someone or something else lead and in order to be a follower you either have to be completely asleep or you have to be awake enough to trust that giving up control is the easiest and fastest way to get where you want to be… yes that’s a contradiction and yes that’s the dilemma.

What if the angels, messengers of God, were asking you to give up control to another fallible human being because somehow your fate was wrapped up in theirs and at this point along the journey your desired outcome was dependent upon allowing them to take the lead, could you? Would you?

In a much broader sense we are doing that at every moment of every day, we allow others to make our laws, uphold them, govern our societies etc… these are all about giving up control on a slightly less personal but still relevant scale, but what I’m attempting to address here is a much more intimate and individual type of leader/follower relationship and it messes with your head in Grail terms because it’s a fine balancing act… that masculine/feminine dynamic.

I’ve come to a crossroads where the angels have recognised after hearing many an invocation for grace and mercy from me that I’m finding this part of the mission excruciating and that the cost feels too high… enter Archangel Samael, without whom free will (or at least the appearance of it) would not be available to us. Light without shadow  affords us only one choice and to embrace my whole self I must learn to dance in the shadows whilst I choose the light… poetic eh? Practically speaking it means I AM Human (Principle 3) and therefore have limits to what I can tolerate.

Archangel Samael has been working with me since last Thursday helping me to review my choices and even to get a clearer picture of where I’m trying to make choices where no real choice exists. It’s an exhausting process when you’re attached to an outcome, highlighting my need to immerse myself into  further study of Principle 2: I AM Detached.

Here’s the thing: We serve The Divine; we are The Divine, we therefore serve our own highest good. Good.

We choose the outcome and The Divine moves us towards that intention (Divine this time meaning us and including the entire universe)… Free will then consists of one question and one question only: do you want what you say you want? Because if you do, this is what it’s going to take to get it.

Let me rephrase the last question… do you want it enough? Me? I don’t know… hence the crossroads. I’ll let you know what I decide (when and if I decide). There are gentler angelic helpers if you want to undertake a similar examination of your direction but Samael deals with shifting a stubborn black and white mindset. He’s not your average fluffy winged being.

I’ll be back with some more insights from the path on Monday but in the meantime look out for the free group oracle reading on Saturday… x

Demolishing The Pillars

I ran and I ran and I ran as fast as I could, as far as I could and when I stopped running I was right there where I stood.

No matter how far and how fast you run, when you are done running you will find that you couldn’t escape from yourself, from your thoughts, your memories, your faulty precepts and from your attitude about your life… so why do so many insist on running?

A fresh start isn’t such a bad thing of course, a new set of scenery and a chance to reinvent yourself without the resistance of environmental history and the people that make assumptions based on your past performance would absolutely have benefits but what’s to stop you from creating the same life in your new found location? What’s to stop you making the same mistakes over and over again?

Before you start making drastic changes to your external situation by demolishing the pillars of security you’ve built for yourself, take stock of the internal landscapes that you are honouring by mirroring in your everyday life… The beliefs you hold onto about who you are, where you’re positioned in relation to the world about you, what voices are guiding your decisions and if they are yours, a higher guidance or simply the negative echoes of other people’s opinions.

Adjusting your compass is a vital piece of the puzzle when attempting to redesign your life and if your compass isn’t set to true north then you will run toward a repeat performance of unsatisfactory or unsuitable.

The word compass is the leading edge of the word compassion and before you check out, you need to check in… check in on your compassion for yourself first and get friendly with who you are, who you’ve been and who you want to become. If your intended new self requires a new location, new compatriots and connections in order to create optimal conditions for growth then the opportunity will present itself, until then… where are you going?

Just so you know… I believe you’re perfection in progress… wherever you are.

Every one of the 7 Principles is contained within this piece.

More later… x