Tag Archives: Autonomy

Fighting With The Fear Of Freedom

Years ago, weary and jaded by the corporate grind, downtrodden by the internal politics of the all-too-familiar company dynamic, unable to affect real change for myself or my employees even as a senior manager, I decided that the only logical course of action open to me that didn’t mean me collapsing into another cycle of blind apathy was to quit.

Scary shit man! I mean, walking away from the stability of a decent salary at the height of a countrywide recession when you have a mortgage to pay and no clue what to do next…

That was beginning of my placing my full trust in the universe to guide me, the start of my spiritual adventure and the unification of my everyday material life with my soul’s direction for me. I’m not going to tell you I wasn’t terrified about being income-less and dependant on my then husband’s meagre wage, but the truth was that the moment I walked out of the front door of that multi-million pound personal prison, the relief I felt melted away all the fear of lack and was replaced by sheer determination.

My first task was to decide where life was going to take me next…

That’s the crux of this story… I had to decide.

Freedom is the scariest place on Earth if you have spent your life following someone else’s rules, policies, timetables, agendas… basically towing the company line. For the first time you stand there and go: what do I do? Which way do I go? God, what is my purpose?

You are so used to having your life mapped out that you panic and latch on to the first guru that seems to have got it all together, or the family member or friend that says “do this,” or “do that.”

That very voice that had you break out of the gilded cage though, will rise up within you and scream “You lead the way. We fought for the right to choose our own path now don’t give it away!”

But you’re so used to being told what to do… and now you’re fighting with the fear of freedom. The fear stems from deep within where you have yet to understand the power of responsibility, that place where you only have yourself to blame… and once you understand that blame is a redundant emotion wrapped up in judgement and self-criticism, you can swap it out for self-appreciation that regardless of whether you succeed or lose, you took the reins of the chariot and began blazing a trail of your own into the wilds of who knows where…

And when you ask God what your purpose is, He simply smiles knowing that He didn’t have to say a word for you to find it… to find you… to find freedom the moment you decided to choose for yourself.

If you are completely lost for a direction to choose then try this affirmation instead of letting someone else choose:

“God bring me a multitude of exciting opportunities today that I may sample, and choose for myself whichever brings me passion.”

Principle 1, 3, 4, 5 and 6 (that’s a whole lot of Principles!)

More later… x