The Good Friday Guide To Conflict Resolution

Do you think JC would have ended up on a cross if people actually knew how to resolve their differences?

I have to confess my post has little or nothing to do with Easter or the crucifixion story, it just seems appropriate to mention Master Jesus at this time of year and ask what he would do… unfortunately for him he was unable to make the other party hear him (probably because Mercury had slid fully into its impression of Michael Jackson’s moonwalk going backwards across the sky and sending communication into a tailspin of misunderstanding, misinterpretation, misrepresentation… in fact just ‘mis’sing the point entirely.

So conflict resolution then?

From a Wholly Grail perspective we may have to throw every one of the 7 Principles at the issue but lets start with Principle 4: I AM Truth…

This Principle should not be deliberately used to prove who is right and who is wrong, it is a universal statement, available to all to make the point that from any one persons point of reference the truth looks very different and so your truth and mine may not essentially match. Let’s start there.

We all make assumptions during conflict about what the other persons agenda is, we imagine their motives from our personal perspective… we are inevitably wrong. Just ask.

“What do you want?”

“What outcome are you hoping for?”

“How do you see this situation resolving itself?”

Remember now that all external conflict is a reflection of an internal conflict that we each have going on too. A battle between your higher self and your ego is in progress all with the intention of protecting your best interests… they just don’t know how to agree on the best course of how to make that happen, so externally you do battle with whatever appears to be threatening your sense of safety.

Victory in conflict is an illusion. For someone to be the victor, someone else has to be the victim… for every winner there is a loser, unless the warring parties learn to listen, and to be honest in their representation of the real issues underlying the antagonism they have towards each other.

Resolution is never the hidden agenda. Winning is. That’s the thing that needs to be determined: “What’s your definition of winning?”

Only compromise can create true resolution and that has to be about two parties coming together to create a win/win scenario.

Love must be the agenda.

This is where we slap in Principle 2: I AM Detached, this allows us to let go of the tight hold we have on our chosen outcome. Follow it with Principle 1: I AM God, without being able to recognise the divinity in your opponent you will never be able to see them as anything but your opponent and therefore you will never truly recognise that you were always on the same team: family.

Now we need the final piece… Principle 7: I AM Open-Hearted, quite simply the perfect balance of give and take.

Whilst this is all very well, the vital ingredient is this:

It takes two people to pull up a chair at the negotiation table… you cannot force a closed mind open, so if that doesn’t work, one must take JC’s approach and turn the other cheek… (and someone ends up crucified).

More later… x

 

Taking The Path Of Least Resistance

It’s more important than anything else that you might do, to do it because it makes you happy. Now the fact that we often surround ourselves with details that come with obligations, people that come with agendas, wants and needs that come with conditions etc, makes finding that joy a little more difficult because it’s obscured by superfluous stuff.

Let’s say for instance that you fall in love… that’s a biggy isn’t it? We imagine that love will make us happy don’t we? Supposing though, that the person you fall in love with turns out to be exactly what people warned you about and that your rose tinted, see-the-best-in-everyone-especially-the-romantic-interest glasses, have finally been removed… what action now will make you happiest?

Let’s make the scenario even more complicated: what if the romantic interest was heavily into playing games of hide and seek, which you suspect are more about his emotional insecurity and the fact that he’s got a history of failed relationships behind him than the outward appearance of him just being an abusive narcissist with a god complex, and what if after remembering that his prey (you) is not a pathological masochist, but in fact someone who deserves to be treated with gentleness and respect, what if he suddenly began the seeking process again and all traces of the monster were stored away for the next time he got scared? What would make you happy now?

Love doesn’t go away but like all energy it has the capacity to transform.

Taking the path of least resistance is not always clear because choosing joy now can lead to pain later if you are not vigilant. In our scenario it’s worth noting that reaching out, though forgiveness releases all parties from lower vibrations like resentment and bitterness, allowing the hidden monster back into your life just because he smiles and says please (or not), wouldn’t be an act of forgiveness it would be an act of stupidity. You can respect a shark and still know to keep out of the sea where it’s swimming.

So let’s take a look at the real path of least resistance. Abstinence now can lead to joy later. Finding happiness in abstinence, through acceptance of your own strength and self-love, rather than from the temporary relief from grieving that reconnecting might bring, leads to celebration… achieving the things you put on hold whilst neck deep in the drama leads to more happiness still.

We mostly search for relief from a lack of understanding by asking “why?” “Why did you do that?” or whatever, “Why me?” or “Why won’t you give up?” is a good one, but ultimately none of those questions will change anything. Accept where you are, let go of what has proven over and over again to be painful and unhealthy and walk away… set both of you free… you don’t need to save the next woman from the monster, that’s her lesson to learn… save yourself, trust me you can’t save him, he doesn’t believe the monster exists.

My mum once told me that monsters weren’t real. Now I know the truth: every little boy and girl contains the capacity to become a monster or to become a Grail Knight that knows better than to engage in a contest with the ones that were so damaged that the monster had no choice but evolve to protect them.

My path of least resistance is to send real love to my ex monster from a safe distance, to send healing and understanding to a damaged little boy, but to cut off all methods of contact and flow towards my own happiness… happiness that doesn’t depend on him or on knowing why.

A very personal post today, I know. I hope it inspires at least one of you to find another way that doesn’t depend on abusive relationships.

More later… x

New Life Begins With Death

Easter is almost upon us and I may be a little early but it feels right to me to be talking about new beginnings.

I began this year with an intention to create a life I didn’t feel the need to escape from, a life filled with joy and peace and love, that didn’t require a vacation to recover from it’s stresses however many times a year. I set off by announcing to my friends, especially the ones I usually travel with, that this year I wasn’t booking anything… not because I don’t intend to travel but because I feel the need to reconsider my reasons for doing so… I’m creating a life that’s built on discovery rather than escape, a life where I run to, not from.

In order to create this, which you must understand is quite an undertaking from where I was to where I want to be, I needed to take this year to stand and face those things I spent years attempting to escape, mostly though, I needed to face myself, my fears and my false assumptions about who I am.

The oracle at the weekend was all about owning who you are, what you want, and your expectations. It embraced Principle 5: I AM Liberated, which is focused primarily on freedom from material attachments but is more importantly about the stuff that you grip onto causing you to miss out on the stuff you really want.

New life begins with death. If you dream of being something different then you must let die who you were. If you dream of financial abundance then you must let die the things that drain your flow of abundance, if you dream of the perfect relationship then you must let die the dysfunctional connections that stand in your way, if you dream of amazing health and vitality then you must let die the counter-productive habits that thwart your progress, and if you want the perfect career that inspires you everyday to be creative and have fun, then you must let die the small self and step into your purpose.

I’m making real progress. Will I be done within a year? Does it matter? Creating a perfect life is a lifelong project, like I said, I don’t need to escape from the process because the process of creation is the process of living the perfect life.

Let the old you die, she’s served her time. Your new life is already here.

More later… x

 

Saturday Oracle – To Stake A Claim

Ownership is at the forefront of The Intuitive Chalice Oracle’s combination for this week as Principle 5: I AM Liberated grabs a hold of the royal blue throat chakra…

But what exactly is ownership?

Traditionally when this Principle shows up its a warning against material attachments and the price you end up paying to maintain them, but ownership extends beyond “things.” What If ownership is more to do with vocalising who you are, what you want, and what your expectations are? What if ownership was about saying out loud: “This is me, this is who I am, this is all that there is… if you want it take it, if you don’t then stay the f**k out of my face because you need my permission to take a piece of me!”

Sounds aggressive I know but it’s actually a phrase that I first said aloud over 20 years ago when I realised who I AM is enough.

So what if this combination is the ultimate in owning who you are?

The energy of course has a flip side, in this case that would be someone else’s powerful words being used to stake a claim over you or anything that is yours. Not so comfortable a feeling, eh?

As this week moves ahead and we embrace the full moon energy in Libra, the sign of balance and fairness, sharing and relationships, it’s worth taking the time to assess what it is exactly that you are staking a claim to… if it’s your own power, divinity and creativity then you’re activating the positive energy available here, if however your words seek to enslave, entrap, belittle or in any way diminish another, then the negative traits of ownership are already beginning to take a hold… seek a win/win scenario in all your interactions.

You have the power now to be all you can be… own it.

You also have the power now to free others… if it isn’t yours, release it.

More next week… x

 

For The Weekend – Learning To Fly Again

It’s been an uncomfortable week. Not painful, not distressing, just uncomfortable… The kind of uncomfortable that happens when you step beyond the familiar, just across the invisible border of your claimed and well trodden territory. There’s a reason we call it the comfort zone, there really is, but I couldn’t stay within it this week because sooner or later the comfort zone itself creates discomfort and so you are forced to explore further afield.

Exploring the discomfort was a fascinating insight into my own tendency towards ebb and flow, a universal pattern of energy distribution that shows up for us as individuals in our peaks successes and apparently bottomless failures, and for me this week has been about learning to fly again.

I remember almost to the moment when I felt my symbolic wings break, it was in 2012, a time of massive change for me. I received evidence of career recognition but my business structure collapsed, my marriage ended, but I met someone new, found where I was needed but also suffered massive rejection. I defined the Principles of The Wholly Grail but learned how far I was from living out those Principles… not only did my wings break in the midst of all these contradictions, I forgot over the time that followed that I’d ever known how to soar at all.

In the years that followed I was carried by angels wings, supported by celestial good will as I recovered my health, rebuilt my life and learned, but continued to focus only upon as much as humanly possible, all the while having forgotten that I’m only part human (part divine), and never really noticing that as I walked, head down, eyes on my feet which remained ever connected to the ground, that my wings had been mended, feathers now re-grown, and that the time I spent grounded had brought me such fuel for sharing and healing others, such wisdom packaged in empathy and compassion… ideas, dreams, strategies and beyond that – understanding.

So today I took my first flying lesson. Stretching my folded feathers for the first time in 5 years, I took a leap of faith and asked Source to catch me… He didn’t need to, He’d taught me what I already knew, what any child knows before the world of matter defines gravity and tells them it’s impossible… God taught me to fly again.

It was only uncomfortable until I realised I wasn’t falling, then I relaxed and let the wind carry me.

Flying might only be a metaphor in this case, but it’s a powerful one that you too can feel when you take life by the balls and step off the procrastination ledge. Know that you are so much more powerful than you think and that your comfort zone doesn’t have to be your prison.

Wishing you an amazing weekend… x

First Monday Of The Month Challenge – Believing In Fairy Tales

Is it really April? Theses first Monday of the month challenge days seem to come along thick and fast and I’m wondering where the year is disappearing to?

Following on from the weekend’s oracle, I wanted to broach the subject of make believe and come at it from a slightly less pragmatic angle. No sooner had I posted the oracle on Saturday about distinguishing fact from fantasy and getting yourself firmly grounded in the real world, getting yourself out of denial if you like, than the universe began encouraging me to do exactly the opposite!

I was reminded of a long lost dream I had as a teenager and invited to dream the dream anew in a more updated and creative way, bringing my imagination into the real world to see if I’d like to transform the fantasy into a reality now, or if I’d like to put it back in the box among the other lost or wasted wishes… The same evening I was transported into the world of a Disney princess as I, (popcorn in hand), was subjected to a friend singing the entire soundtrack through Beauty and the Beast at the cinema… and the two of us completely accepting the normality of a talking teapot and chipped cup (because obviously that happens every day)!

All this got me thinking about the magic of believing in fairy tales, and how Principle 7 of The Wholly Grail asks that we stay open-hearted… having experienced this transformation on April Fool’s Day only added to the magic when you begin to understand that the story of the fool in tarot, is the story of innocence, an open heart and a belief in magic.

So my challenge for you today is this: as you keep one foot in the real world, doing the things that you must, taking care of business and honouring your mundane responsibilities, I challenge you to see through to the unseen world and find your own magic. A dream today might become tomorrow’s reality with a little planning, hard work and a sprinkling of fairy dust… just don’t lose sight of which world you’re in!

Right I’m off to dispense some daughterly duties doing household chores for mum, (and I have just enough imagination and belief in fairy tales left to conjure a few of Snow White’s bluebirds to help me along).

More later… x

Saturday Oracle – The Waiting Room

Principle 4: I AM Truth continues to hold dominance this week as it turns inwards shrouded in the deep indigo of the 3rd eye or brow chakra. This combination from The Intuitive Chalice Oracle is reminiscent of Hexagram 61 from the ancient Chinese I-Ching, “Inner Truth.”

You have no option this week but to face up to things as they actually are when the fuzzy edges between fantasy and reality become starkly obvious.

Let’s be honest, it’s been apparent for a while now that you have been in a holding pattern while the world around you has continued to turn, like sitting in the waiting room entranced by illusion, or more accurately, creating your own within your mind.

Inner truth is a gift, though for a while it may not appear so, simply because reality, or at least the current appearance of it in the material plane, will not resemble the happy place you’ve created in your mental waiting room. How could it? You’ve not been paying attention to the details of the outside environment and so they may have gone wildly off plan. But the gift of having the waiting room walls melt in the light of this week’s energy, is that once you see things for what they are you can begin to create change.

Maybe you realise that whilst you’ve been daydreaming about Tom Hardy, your real relationships have become distant? Whilst you’ve been imagining sipping champagne on a private yacht, you’ve ignored the pile of bills that need paying? Or whilst you’ve been indulging in a distracting social life, your health has been suffering? Perhaps you have been in denial about your career prospects but refused to change direction, so heavily are you invested in the rapidly faltering image you’ve created in your mind about success?

I’m a firm believer in The Law of Attraction and the need to visualise where you want to be as if you’re already there, feeling how you’ll feel when it comes to pass in the physical realm. I’m not suggesting you give up that practice… but there is a big difference between using the visualisation technique as a tool, and disappearing into it like Alice down the rabbit hole.

Your 3rd eye is a powerful tool and by feeding it truth this week you can begin to transform reality into a miracle. Only by admitting where you are can you plot a course with your Higher Power to a new destination that you no longer need to hide in the waiting room from.

Stop escaping and check in with reality… before reality bites.

More next week… x